tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post1041785091147921322..comments2024-03-10T10:40:32.319-07:00Comments on Pyromaniacs: Two marriage myths, bustedPhil Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00649092052031518426noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-35044076414329252862012-06-01T12:30:34.671-07:002012-06-01T12:30:34.671-07:00I cannot comprehend the thinking that you've g...I cannot comprehend the thinking that you've got to fight to have a good marriage. Disagree? Sure, unless you just never talk about anything important or one of you is completely Stepford or jellyfish. But fighting? Insanity.<br /><br />One of the most important passages for our mawwiage has been Ephesians 4:26-27. "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." If we have a disagreement that threatens to become a fight, everything else stops until we get it resolved. Whatever else we may have going on pales in significance to stomping out the brush fires. What good can possibly come from letting it blow up into a raging inferno, or letting it smolder unresolved so it can resurface later? Have a problem? Deal with it, now!<br /><br />In your anger, do not sin. If I ever in my anger cease, even for a moment, to love my wife as Christ loves the church, I have sinned. Slamming doors, insulting her, storming off in anger to go 'blow off steam', giving her the cold shoulder - they have no place in a Christian marriage. And as with all sins, how does it do me any good? We are one, and I'm to love her as my own body, to nurture and cherish her. Fighting with her is about as brilliant as clubbing myself over the head with a frozen meat chub.<br /><br />Oh, but if you fight, you get the joy of making up. And if I intentionally step in a bear trap, I get the exhilaration of making progress in my rehab! I got a better idea - don't be stupid, and keep yourself and your marriage healthy.trogdorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11452996348717802065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-55047803785865009162012-06-01T08:49:26.146-07:002012-06-01T08:49:26.146-07:00Dan,
Spot on with both myths.
If it takes two to ...Dan,<br />Spot on with both myths.<br /><br />If it takes two to tango, it only takes one to sit down to stop the dance.<br /><br />While my wife and I occasionally disagree with each other, we've never had a knock-down drag out fight in our 17 years of marriage. Who needs it? Any sacrifice made for each other in marriage is far less painful than butting heads to have our own way. In fact, the incredible blessing of sacrifice becomes evident as it is practiced over time.Jim Pembertonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01446388434272680014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-90467519917820037042012-06-01T05:39:04.190-07:002012-06-01T05:39:04.190-07:00I'm chiming in late...
Thank you, Dan, for di...I'm chiming in late...<br /><br />Thank you, Dan, for dispelling the 50/50 myth. It's a kick in the gut when you're already down to be told you must have failed to (fill in the blank), which therefore led to your spouse's infidelity. Believe me, there's already enough self recrimination going on without adding to the pile.Persishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17686511618515789601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-74986176281516312242012-06-01T05:09:29.707-07:002012-06-01T05:09:29.707-07:00Just think...we can go from "I have to tell m...Just think...we can go from "I have to tell my spouse how wrong he/she is and help him/her to root out their sin" to "I have to tell my spouse how wrong I am and ask him/her to pray for me as I work to root out my sin by the power of Christ within me". How much better would our marriages be if we made a regular practice of followign this type of thinking?Roberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13987985549747283669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-72440444076505507202012-05-31T14:38:57.647-07:002012-05-31T14:38:57.647-07:00"I've never heard anyone suggest that fig..."I've never heard anyone suggest that fighting (per se) is good for Christian friendships, but I have heard it said of marriage."<br /><br />-This is one of those observations that both: 1) should be blatantly obvious; 2) no-one ever thinks of. This is deeply thought-provoking and should be famous.Andrew Lindseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06543222209236040112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-35941701991431317932012-05-31T13:40:36.127-07:002012-05-31T13:40:36.127-07:00First thought: yeah, but it bore repeating.
Secon...First thought: yeah, but it bore repeating.<br /><br />Second thought: thanks, but nope. I didn't change anything, yet there's no duplication. Perhaps your browser?DJPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16471042180904855578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-13836046311057673762012-05-31T13:34:41.617-07:002012-05-31T13:34:41.617-07:00Dan, you have a repeated section in the fourth par...Dan, you have a repeated section in the fourth paragraph. You can delete this comment when you correct it.<br /><br />"I think I'll call this the Democratic Causality Myth. How do I know it's a myth? The same way I know anything really important: the Bible. Didn't you read I think I'll call this the Democratic Causality Myth. How do I know it's a myth? The same way I know anything really important: the Bible. Didn't you read 1 Peter 2:19-20?"Gunnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01505404779458936444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-17579648943872886462012-05-31T13:24:15.896-07:002012-05-31T13:24:15.896-07:00Dead-on Dan. I was just covering this last night ...Dead-on Dan. I was just covering this last night in a pre-marital counseling session.Morris Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18083884122271855154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-51019630804452130272012-05-31T13:07:18.564-07:002012-05-31T13:07:18.564-07:00"I've never heard anyone suggest that fig...<i>"I've never heard anyone suggest that fighting (per se) is good for Christian friendships, but I have heard it said of marriage.</i>"<br /><br />Good point. That is truly a bizarre phenomenon isn't it?Nash Equilibriumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06528684112014026512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-15953552378681180772012-05-31T12:31:54.004-07:002012-05-31T12:31:54.004-07:00When I first became a Christian, a higher-up in th...When I first became a Christian, a higher-up in the JW cult stopped by my house to let me know how I could tell that the JW view of Christianity was the right one: "he and his wife of 30 years had never ever had even a single argument." I said, "Sorry to have to let the cat out of the bag, but ... something is seriously amiss in your marriage."Rick Brownellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01172135020824406085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-2803652492811609482012-05-31T11:59:52.626-07:002012-05-31T11:59:52.626-07:00LOL; fair enough, Nash. The difference being I'...LOL; fair enough, Nash. The difference being I've never heard anyone suggest that fighting (per se) is good for Christian friendships, but I have heard it said of marriage.DJPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16471042180904855578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-24374320473611767632012-05-31T11:58:26.197-07:002012-05-31T11:58:26.197-07:00I second Dan's idea about fighting not being g...I second Dan's idea about fighting not being good for a marriage and raise him one "it probably isn't good for two Christians to actually "fight" with each other, married or not"Nash Equilibriumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06528684112014026512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-57310926705246526762012-05-31T11:45:46.234-07:002012-05-31T11:45:46.234-07:00This post, while I appreciated the caveats in poin...This post, while I appreciated the caveats in point 1, is really idealistic. <br /><br />How we're defining "fight" and "fault" make all the difference here. So much difference in fact, that if we define them in more common use, I'd say every marriage needs to fight and that it's helpful to see the multi-orbed reasons for a sin, without blame- shifting of course. <br /><br />No one wants to be argumentative (point 2) and/or to blame shift all of one's struggles onto their spouse(point 1). But, those are extreme positions that only the rightly rebuked married person holds. There's alot of nuance here, and I think that nuance was partly achieved in the explanation of point #1. To the texts: <br /><br />Proverbs 15:1<br />A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.<br /><br />Proverbs 29:22<br />A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression.<br /><br />Did the harsh word help to cause the anger? Did the angry man of wrath stir up strife and help to cause transgression? <br /><br />As far as the "never fight" issue. . . Of course fighting in anger, being aggressive, and being quarrelsome are to be called out. But, the bible also speaks against flattery, and there's a fine line between passionately trying to "win over" your spouse on a point, and a sinful fight. Yes, wives should win over their spouses with their quiet spirit and Husbands should lay their lives down. But, sometimes winning over and laying down involve pointing out what you think is wrong about the other person's thoughts and actions. When is that a fight? Hard to say, but I bet there's more than one definition there. <br /><br />I don't think the myths were busted, I think wrong applications of neutral ideas were.aaronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15874015216066216905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-73973071283177176092012-05-31T09:45:36.724-07:002012-05-31T09:45:36.724-07:00My wife and I found ourselves supporting a friend ...My wife and I found ourselves supporting a friend who was escaping an emotional/sexual/financial/spiritually abusive marriage.<br /><br />Unfortunately out church (at the time) insisted that he shouldn't be called an abuser and that she must be treated in the same way as he because...it take two.<br /><br />Even to the point of admitting that he was abusive and claiming that she was "no doubt" being abusive as well...<br /><br />Crazy crazy crazy.<br /><br />Great post Dan. Great post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-21378235279496606992012-05-31T09:30:27.471-07:002012-05-31T09:30:27.471-07:00I had never given much thought to whether fights c...I had never given much thought to whether fights could be "good" for a marriage. I've usually heard it phrased that "conflict" can be "redeemed" or useful or something...which is basically saying that fights can be.<br /><br />Since I've never heard anyone back that assertion up from Scripture, and since Dan just refuted it from Scripture, as of now, I'm with him...Zachary Bartelshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13188521505536660574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-45767250973878320612012-05-31T09:05:09.643-07:002012-05-31T09:05:09.643-07:00Bill, I agree 100%, but I'm sure people would ...Bill, I agree 100%, but I'm sure people would accuse Uriah of focusing too much on his career and not giving his wife enough attention.CGrimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03257084521984285384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-6350518032227772472012-05-31T08:31:16.363-07:002012-05-31T08:31:16.363-07:00Agreed. What exactly were Uriah's sins? Too f...Agreed. What exactly were Uriah's sins? Too faithful - too loyal?Bill Honsbergerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04836300411894206079noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-30792377656386052052012-05-31T07:50:30.463-07:002012-05-31T07:50:30.463-07:00I would contribute this to any "shared-troubl...I would contribute this to any "shared-trouble" in my marriage:<br /><br />Usually any attempt to excuse my behavior because of a fault of my wife's is either where I have misunderstood what she has said, made a faulty assumption about her, or have just grabbed some inane slight to build that case on.<br /><br />Even the times that our issues have been 80/20, most of "her" 20 is still me.Doug Hibbardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01099486048716032843noreply@blogger.com