tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post6785344012760199122..comments2024-03-10T10:40:32.319-07:00Comments on Pyromaniacs: Brothers, sisters — don't drop the ballPhil Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00649092052031518426noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-27990280509114585982007-07-27T14:15:00.000-07:002007-07-27T14:15:00.000-07:00For the Church:Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better ...For the Church:<BR/><BR/>Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. <BR/>For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. <BR/>Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm {alone?} <BR/>And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three {strands} is not quickly torn apart.Jayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00833725192258613330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-43264151036015461042007-07-27T13:01:00.000-07:002007-07-27T13:01:00.000-07:00Excellent post Dan.Rebecca: I wish I was there to ...Excellent post Dan.<BR/><BR/><B>Rebecca:</B> I wish I was there to do things with you. I think we would have fun.<BR/><BR/><B>Threegirldad:</B> Your testimony brought tears to my eyes.<BR/><BR/>One of the most touching moments when my mom died last summer was when my husband and I quietly attended our regular Sunday evening service. I had not really talked to anyone and we hoped to just slip out afterwards. On the way to the car our pastor came running toward us with tears in his eyes for our loss. I was very grateful for his heartfelt care. No words needed.candyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06088593538648596769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-10556965128475619322007-07-27T10:13:00.000-07:002007-07-27T10:13:00.000-07:00Note: Of course, I'm just talking about one-time, ...Note: Of course, I'm just talking about one-time, ad hoc interactions with strangers. Obviously, with brothers and sisters in Christ, it's a far more complex issue, as has been amply treated here by Dan and all the commentators.Stefan Ewinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05530690016594029847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-47523539021433776612007-07-27T10:12:00.000-07:002007-07-27T10:12:00.000-07:00Dan: Interesting. I've struggled with that conund...Dan: Interesting. I've struggled with that conundrum a few times, in interactions with strangers...would I be helping or meddling? Would I be helpful or be perceived as patronizing?Stefan Ewinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05530690016594029847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-50759262382400169622007-07-27T08:12:00.000-07:002007-07-27T08:12:00.000-07:00Dan, fyi this is the second post of yours this wee...Dan, fyi this is the second post of yours this week which the Lord has used in my life/walk. I thank Him for using those.Ebethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02190002073330892056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-14864158410306134492007-07-27T07:54:00.000-07:002007-07-27T07:54:00.000-07:00I think that's a valid thought, Alex. Different f...I think that's a valid thought, Alex. Different folks process grief differently. So you try to think of a way to express concern that's light, based on your knowledge of the brother/sister's personality.<BR/><BR/>"I'm praying for you; you doing all right?"<BR/><BR/>"Just want you to know if there's anything you need to talk about, I care and I'm here."<BR/><BR/>That sort of thing, maybe?<BR/><BR/>Like I saw this seriously physically disabled guy in a parking lot, decades ago. My heart went out to him. Knowing that some disabled folks are actually <I>insulted</I> by offers of help, in a sort of panic I thought if there was any way I could offer, without insulting him.<BR/><BR/>God was good. The idea came to me, and I asked, "Would you mind if I offered to help?"<BR/><BR/>He gratefully accepted, I had the joy of being of some use.DJPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16471042180904855578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-61442708589918038412007-07-27T07:33:00.000-07:002007-07-27T07:33:00.000-07:00Thanks for the post, I'm definitely one of those w...Thanks for the post, I'm definitely one of those who tries to ignore the issue after a certain amount of time so that the person can mourn and begin to get over the loss. I always figured if I brought it back up, it would do more harm than good. I have to rethink this according to scripture. ThanksAlexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18141955547001365966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-41568932125407834662007-07-27T05:23:00.000-07:002007-07-27T05:23:00.000-07:00Dan, thanks for a great post.-Karen, both perpetra...Dan, thanks for a great post.<BR/><BR/>-Karen, both perpetrator of and victim of, ball-dropping.Karen (Rosesandtea)https://www.blogger.com/profile/10961559060567545163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-13336529212759147782007-07-27T03:15:00.000-07:002007-07-27T03:15:00.000-07:00Cindy:I'm not sure which is tougher. But I've had ...Cindy:<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure which is tougher. But I've had to keep reminding myself that my trust is to be in the Lord, not people...or my heart would be stone by now.Tim Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06771868540726222826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-64862715768560348632007-07-26T23:20:00.000-07:002007-07-26T23:20:00.000-07:00I keep dropping the ball. I should be kicked off ...I keep dropping the ball. I should be kicked off of the team, and deserve to be kicked off.brentjthomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16197159838621341857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-65433575429989407522007-07-26T21:28:00.000-07:002007-07-26T21:28:00.000-07:00As I have been reading so many of these comments I...As I have been reading so many of these comments I have to ask myself which is harder to endure?<BR/><BR/>Having someone you love die or having someone you "thought" loved you (a spouse or a family member for example) betray you or falsely accuse you of something inconceivable?<BR/><BR/>All I know is that being a Christian means you WILL eventually identify with the sufferings of Christ..........and those sufferings WILL bring you into conformity with the cross. <BR/><BR/>Paul said in Phillipians 3:10..."That I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death".<BR/><BR/>God uses whatever means to bring us to that place and so much of it does indeed become a "thorn" in our flesh.<BR/><BR/>Those in scripture who suffered greatly did not want to live anymore.....and certainly who can blame them. Job and Jeremiah, Elijah and Paul, even Jesus struggled in the garden before His long day of "torture".<BR/><BR/>When life becomes so unbearable, the only thing to do is hide yourself in God's presence, under His wings, reading His word and talking to Him. I think that IS the only thing that brings comfort to your soul. The only problem there is with being in God's presence and sensing His peace and love is that you don't want to be in this fallen world anymore.....you want to be with Him NOW in Eternity. And that is all I long for and the Lord knows that!<BR/><BR/><BR/>"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is GAIN. But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: (and this part I have a hard time with) Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you".......Phillippians 1:24<BR/><BR/>What I love about Phillippians is that Paul wrote this letter, filled with Joy and encouragement and unshakable faith, not knowing whether he was going to live or die while being chained to a Roman prison.<BR/><BR/>Let me conclude with this: I am not "preaching" to anyone, only speaking from my heart and bearing testimony to how scipture has solidified in my heart because of the things I have been through. The more difficult challenges (whether they are loss, persecution, trials, lonliness, whatever) Christians go through, the more scripture should come alive and be appropriated to life. That is why it is so important to read the Bible. It is so applicable and extremely relevant to getting through life.Cindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01486865227041429770noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-89527275830589779112007-07-26T20:10:00.000-07:002007-07-26T20:10:00.000-07:00Here's my experience with stuff like this.My dad ...Here's my experience with stuff like this.<BR/><BR/>My dad died this past November 11th. On January 6th, my mom had fallen and we took her to the emergency room. My former pastor happened to show up. He sat next to me with his "permagrin" face on and asked how I was doing. I told him "It's been a tough year". <BR/><BR/>He said "come on...the year is only six days old". Of course, I meant "The past twelve months". I then told him this and told him what happened. Strong disappointments with my son, the loss of our dog and of course dad's passing.<BR/><BR/>his response?<BR/><BR/>"Hey, it'll get better"<BR/><BR/>The "sympathy commitee" finally sent us a sympathy card for Dad's passing...after I mentioned to one of the committee members that we didn't get one.Tim Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06771868540726222826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-71671570539280491262007-07-26T19:09:00.000-07:002007-07-26T19:09:00.000-07:00A deeply touching post, followed by more deeply to...A deeply touching post, followed by more deeply touching comments. <BR/><BR/>It seems so easy to say to someone that they should just let "Jesus take that pain away", although Paul taught that God sometimes will allow grief and suffering to persist in a Christian's life-Paul lived with his thorn in the flesh to the end.<BR/><BR/>A couple of years ago in our church there was a man dying of cancer. The church repeatedly lifted the man and his family in prayer, helped raise money to offset the medical expenses, provided food after his death, etc. Yet, after the funeral I've never heard the widow's or children's names mentioned again. This post really struck home with the truth of how we Christians sometimes don't seem to be in for the long haul...with myself being first in line...convicted and guilty.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for this post and the comments.Jayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00833725192258613330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-701951430665462472007-07-26T18:19:00.000-07:002007-07-26T18:19:00.000-07:00I appreciate everyone's kindness, and praise God f...I appreciate everyone's kindness, and praise God for His grace.<BR/><BR/>But, boy, as to the <I>content</I> of the comments....<BR/><BR/>BEST. META. EVER!DJPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16471042180904855578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-66515194897954505812007-07-26T17:50:00.000-07:002007-07-26T17:50:00.000-07:00Thank you. I identified easily with the woman you ...Thank you. I identified easily with the woman you mentioned, and I suppose I could mention all the reasons why in this comment...<BR/><BR/>But after typing and then deleating my words a couple of times, I decided to simply say, "thanks". <BR/><BR/>With all the readers your blog has, I do hope this leads many to a different view of those who grieve, and how God could use us to weep with and provide comfort to those whose spirits are heavy, and whose hearts are broken.Kristinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09208753353162363484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-39426773809399529682007-07-26T14:35:00.000-07:002007-07-26T14:35:00.000-07:00Extremely important words!!! Thanks,DougExtremely important words!!! <BR/><BR/>Thanks,<BR/><BR/>DougDoug E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06500435045148530492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-25855134358834917802007-07-26T13:36:00.000-07:002007-07-26T13:36:00.000-07:00Yup. Superb post. It deserves to be reprinted in s...Yup. Superb post. It deserves to be reprinted in some church bulletins, if you ask me.<BR/><BR/>Thanks, Dan.Phil Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00649092052031518426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-12696021764270794662007-07-26T13:28:00.000-07:002007-07-26T13:28:00.000-07:00Mr. Philipps, thank you for your bull's-eye post.A...Mr. Philipps, thank you for your bull's-eye post.<BR/><BR/>As one who has had a chronic illness since early '81 (disabled by it since '90), I have found it difficult dealing with the polar indifference from folks at church. Never a phone call to say "Hi, I just wanted to call and see how you're doing." Never someone saying, "Just give a buzz if you need a hand with something." (Most of the time, I can handle my own groceries and driving, but perhaps 6-7x/year, I'm in such sorry shape, that I could use some help.) Never an invite to someone's house for dinner or lunch---or even for a brownbag picnic at the park!<BR/><BR/>When *I* have offered to help stressed out moms with their homeschooling (I am a former educator), there has been no response (perhaps they view me as a leper---even though what I have is as contagious as allergies).<BR/><BR/>The irony is that out of all the folks in my old Christian friends-group back in N.C. (I moved in '87), the only one who still keeps in touch is herself afflicted with what I have, but 10x worse (she and her husband lived in a chlordane-saturated house for 20 years).<BR/><BR/>As an antidote to the occasional onslaught of resentment and bitterness, I find this verse helps: "He looked for one to have pity on Him, but there was no man, neither found He any to comfort Him." <BR/><BR/>He understands.<BR/><BR/>TKTrothKeeprhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08041335861375358957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-36071989844218386672007-07-26T13:21:00.000-07:002007-07-26T13:21:00.000-07:00I liked this post...very good in a very Phillips k...I liked this post...very good in a very Phillips kind of wayjoeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00407734824168297388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-76893912644020440552007-07-26T12:27:00.000-07:002007-07-26T12:27:00.000-07:00Hi, Dan and everyone. I want to make it clear that...Hi, Dan and everyone. I want to make it clear that I appreciate my brothers and sisters asking how my head is or how my back is because I understand their intent. It would be worse for them to say nothing. Nor do I resent their not responding the way I want them to. That was not my point. <BR/><BR/>My point was to call to attention that the absence of pain or grief is not necessarily a good thing if I have failed to learn the lessons that pain, grief or sorrow bring with them. Job, though he was righteous, needed to learn who God was and the proper response to Him. He did this thru his sufferings. Job 42: 5 and 6 are 2 of my favorite verses: "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You; Therefore I retract, And I repent in dust and ashes." <BR/><BR/>Having said all this, I just want others to know how to best respond to those who suffer. Ask them what they have learned about God; ask them what their greatest struggle is; ask them how can I pray for you. And then listen. That is all I was attempting to say. And, by the way, this is how I deal with others who suffer.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12150302877339387599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-18174050843049685282007-07-26T12:24:00.000-07:002007-07-26T12:24:00.000-07:00I'll have to remember this post—AND all the ...I'll have to remember this post—AND all the comments—for future reference and guidance.<BR/><BR/>We all know Frank is a big softy, despite his tough, "mean Calvinist" exterior. He ain't foolin' anyone.<BR/><BR/>There was a young couple on the bus this morning, and the lady was crying. I mean, really crying—softly, not sobbing, but crying nonetheless—for a good 15 or 20 minutes. I have no idea what'd happened. As a stranger on a crowded bus, I couldn't really go up to offer consolation, all the more so because I didn't even know what was going on. I just prayed that God would guide her and protect and comfort her...that's all I could do.Stefan Ewinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05530690016594029847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-4256859177158431662007-07-26T12:05:00.001-07:002007-07-26T12:05:00.001-07:00Geteilter Schmerz ist halber Schmerz - shared pai...<I>Geteilter Schmerz ist halber Schmerz</I> - shared pain is pain halved. To echo Canada family, sometimes we think that we have to say something when we encounter a brother or sister in the midst of grief, when what they're really looking for is someone to come alongside them and share the burden - an excellent time to remember that there's a reason why we have two ears but only one mouth.wordsmithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13694767852556204886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-22256785780515757822007-07-26T12:05:00.000-07:002007-07-26T12:05:00.000-07:00Harry J:I appreciate Dan for being the kind of man...Harry J:<BR/><BR/>I appreciate Dan for being the kind of man he is -- which includes a great sense of humor.<BR/><BR/>Thanks.FX Turkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16798420127955373559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-24211790159864768672007-07-26T11:35:00.000-07:002007-07-26T11:35:00.000-07:00I am a regular Pyro reader, but have not commented...I am a regular Pyro reader, but have not commented until now. My husband and I have also walked the painful road of watching one of our precious children (the 2nd of our 4) die. Even the strongest, most theologically sound believer is shaken to the core when something like this happens. You don't think about the death of one of your children when you repeat the vows, "till death do us part." <BR/><BR/>I appreciate Dan's thoughts here. I can't count the sincere attempts by others to comfort us that instead only brought more pain. My advice to anyone who is standing alongside a grieving person is to just simply be there. Some days I just needed to call a sister in Christ and say, "Today is terrible. I want to die and be with her. I can't take care of the rest of my family. Please pray for me." Just to know that even with my right and high view of God that I could reveal my own breaking heart to another (Abigail was born with a heart defect) was so healing for me. 9 years have now come and gone and I can honestly say that our faithful and gracious God has given me new joy and the opportunity to "comfort others with the comfort I've been given." Thanks again for the post.Canada Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05079785216098298555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21212024.post-23728531079745444632007-07-26T11:03:00.000-07:002007-07-26T11:03:00.000-07:00threegirldad, "I rejoice whenever someone recalls ...threegirldad,<BR/><BR/> "I rejoice whenever someone recalls a fond memory, remembers her endearing idiosyncrasies."<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing your heart. It helps me.<BR/><BR/>Our Lord's grace and peace be with you. For the glory of His name. Amen.donsandshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03665794015011057098noreply@blogger.com