13 July 2009

The Adventures of Pecadillo

by Pecadillo

Editor's note: Pecadillo and wife are celebrating their first anniversary by driving from Los Angeles to the scene of their wedding last year. In lieu of his annual blogpost, Pecadillo submitted this series of Tweets last night.

Driving through cow country. This part of California smells like a giant, open-air AM/PM.

The journey to our hotel was a blogpost in and of itself. After we got settled in the room, we discovered we weren't alone in the room.

There was a bat in our room and it was flying at us like a Japanese kamikaze pilot.

I've never seen a bat before aside from at the zoo. I nearly soiled my pants.

In fact, had I not been in the bathroom when the trophy wife discovered the bat, I'm quite sure I would find myself in need of a new wardrobe.

We're at a spa by the beach in Mendocino. There are only 10 rooms and no on duty staff after 9 PM. It's very secluded. Translation: no help.

Luckily, there was a hotel masseuse that looked and talked exactly like Peter Lorre, who was on his way out the door who helped us.

He was probably 7 feet tall—no joke. He had to do the limbo to get thru our door—and he had big Carly Simon/Gary Busey teeth.

He also had a creepy Eastern European accent that woulda sounded menacing had he not been prancing away from the bat.

Then another guy showed up with a pool net that was still wet and dripping chlorine all over our room and bed.

After literally 45 minutes of me & the pool guy trying to catch the bat in the room (Peter Lorre was in the hall, hiding) we finally got it.

Literally, for 45 minutes I watched this flying rodent soar all over our room, landing on our stuff. I'm pretty sure my luggage has rabies.

To be honest, I wasn't exactly John Wayne during those 45 minutes, although I did almost shoot it numerous times.

Let's just say I'm glad there weren't too many other people around to observe my "power stance" whenever dracula flew by.

Still, at least I was in the room. Peter Lorre was out in the hall and had to be consoled by the trophy wife.

The only person tall enough to reach the bat was the same guy who was trying to hide in the laundry room. Wonderful.

Anyways, after 45 minutes of trying to catch the beast that wikipedia calls a "natural reservoir for many zoonotic pathogens" we got it.

We were trying to catch it in the net (the pool guy was a hippie) but accidentally hit it with the pole and it fell to the ground, lifeless.

With that, the pool guy scooped up little Adam West (we named it) in the net and left the room to go dispose of it. He was very apologetic.

Our room has chlorine water everywhere, net marks all over the walls and ceilings, and probably more viruses than a petrie dish.

And there's no one here who can get us into another room. Fantastic.

On his way out, Peter Lorre offered us 20% off the cost of a massage at the spa. Yeah, that's gonna make it all better.

Somehow, the trophy wife was already able to fall asleep. Not me. I want to be awake when lockjaw sets in.


Fred Butler said...

I can only hope there are some pictures.

Sir Brass said...

Impeccable tweeting, pecadillo :)

DJP said...

May no one ever, in any context, ever, be justified in describing any move I ever make as "prancing."


Nash Equilibrium said...

My wife had the exact same thing happen in her room on a business trip to Canada, 20 years ago. So, its not unprecedented. Only difference is, she was alone and had to get help in French! (Not that the bat noticed the language differences).

Anonymous said...

Best laugh I've had since the dishwasher incident!

Solameanie said...

Demon-possessed dishwashers and now bats. I am beginning to think Pec should take the place of Charles Kuralt.

J. Brian McKillop said...

Stop, stop, I can't take anymore. I laughed so hard my dentures fell out and I didn't even know that I had dentures.

Tim Nixon said...

On Memorial Day weekend we were visiting some friends in Ithaca, NY. I was sleeping on the couch in the living room. I was awakened by a loud noise coming from the window. When I turned on the light, there was a bat flying around the room. I had never been so terrified. I had nothing to use to try to apprehend it, so I cowered in the bathroom begging God to subdue the bat so I could get back to sleep. At that time my 11 year old daughter needed to go to the bathroom, so she found her 36 year old father cowering in the bathroom. She didn't seem phased by my story. After sending her back to bed, I turned on the lights for a few minutes, hoping the bat would think it was day time. A few minutes later, I laid down, covered my head, and prayed that I would not be the innocent rabies victim while I was sleeping. The worst part was when I told the house owner, she said, "Ah, bats aren't dangerous".

wordsmith said...


How much money were you trying to save by checking into that half-star establishment? Was it worth it ; ?

donsands said...

I guy who looked like Peter Lorre, and a wild flying bat. Too cool.

I love Peter Lorre.

Thanks for sharing that terrific story. Another great memory.

How would you rate this hotel? Maybe 1 star, or perhaps -1 star.

FX Turk said...

As I was reaidng these last night and this morning, I was wondering: how big a bat was this exactly?

I mean, a bat's a bat, but was it mouse-sized or cat-sized?

FX Turk said...

I was particularly amused by the Wiki description of the vileness of bats -- can't kill the bat, but I have time to Wiki on my iPhone. Because THAT'S going to make it all better.

Bob said...

A couple of years ago, we have a bat in our bathroom. It was in the middle of the night that the hovering dracula came out of the bathroom into the hallway and backed me down the hallway until I was on my back with all fours sticking up in the air waving them all frantically at the bat as he hovered menacingly. My oldest son opened his bedroom door to see me in my underwear kicking my limbs and simply shut the door and went back to sleep. I finally was able to retrieve my tennis racket and do some big damage.
thanks, you gave me a good laugh and then another as I remembered mine.

The Squirrel said...

I was unable to breath I was laughing so hard as each tweet came in. Wonderful!


candy said...

Look at the good side. The bat probably ate all the mosquitos in your room so at least you won't get West Nile Disease.

Phil Johnson said...

I like that you referred to Lurch as a "masseuse." I presume his actual title is masseur, but he acted like such a girlie-man ("prancing"?) that he deserved the solecism.

All in all, it sounds like you're having a road-trip worthy of the Johnson legacy. We should try to meet up in Yellowstone on the way home and see if the convergence of traveling Johnsons puts Old Faithful off schedule.

Solameanie said...

Bad idea, Phil. Don't forget that Old Faithful isn't the only geological item within Yellowstone. The Yellowstone Caldera lies underneath, and -- according to some scientists -- is just waiting to vent its gaping maw on the rest of the country.

On second thought, bring it on. I'm in the mood for something apocalyptic.

chopstickschan said...

Should have come to Iceland. No bats or mosquitoes and a great exchange rate these days. The trolls don't bother people much anymore, either.

candy said...

Hmmm...don't know about the Johnsons meeting up in Yellowstone with a super caldera just waiting to blow. It is supposed to reach my part of the world, and I am trying to enjoy my summer.

bassicallymike said...

I can't imagine the emotional roller coaster that must have been for you. Concern for your brother and the gravity of his condition interspersed with extremely jocular tweets from the Pec. I bet you could have been mistaken for some WOF praying belly laugher........, but since it was Tulsa, no big deal. Any chance of getting Pecadillo to go to semi annual post?

danny2 said...

was laughing the whole time on twitter.

every married couple ends up having at least one hotel "experience." mine came when we discovered there is a considerable difference between a red roof inn and a red carpet inn!

GrammaMack said...

Happy anniversary, Pecadillo and Mrs. Pecadillo (AKA Batman and Batgirl)!

Susan said...

Ya know, when I first saw that big bat in the center of the Pyro emblem, I thought you had it there because you had an extremely batty post (as opposed to your other posts that are less batty)....

Boy, was I right or was I right!

Jay said...

Bats are pretty common around where I live. They're just like birds, only a little more gross-looking.

Ephemeral Mortal said...

That was hilarious - you should be on the stage

Tony Byrne said...


Susan said...

Jay, "gross" doesn't even begin to describe bats, IMHO. They're flying rodents, man!!

Laura said...

We sure love you Pecadillo! Danny will most certainly be laughing as hard as I was/am when he gets home and we read it again together. When are you and the Mrs. going to grace us with your presence here? Happy anniversary!!!

Laura said...

Electric Bill - $124.98
DSL Bill - $29
Computer - $699
Being able to read Pecadillo's posts - PRICELESS

Thanks for the laughs,

Matt Gumm said...

You'd think you Johnson folks would learn that taking a vacation is never a good idea.