30 May 2006

A promise is a promise

by J. Peterman

Look: a promise is a promise, and last week the pawn shop sold more than the requisite 3 t-shirts I needed to have enough credit to give away another t-shirt here at TeamPyro, so roll up your sleeves, people.

The picture at the right is the t-shirt we are giving away, and if you click it you'll notice it's the value-priced T. It's perfect summer wear as it is light cotton. I considered giving away a stein, but the mere metion of such a thing left the blog in a state of near civil war, so I chose this item instead.

Here's the contest: name the top 5 reasons you personally ought to receive the teamPyro shirt on the block. You have until Thursday at 5:00 PM blogger time to get your entry in. On Friday around lunchtime, I'll announce the winner -- and I'm setting the time right now so Dan can post something pithy immediately after I do to knock me off the top slot.

It is likely I will be the only judge as the other Pyros are not as amused by the contests as I am, but keep in mind that they may e-mail to spike your entry if you say things untoward about them.

Let the hoopla begin!


LeeC said...

In no particular order.

1. I visit your blog often.

2. I probably won't wear it often since white t-shirts show my 7 month olds sons recycled peas too easily, but when I do, it will probably be when visiting the bookshack at Grace.

3. I'm not a heretic.

4. I am however a not so snappy dresser who could use a little help like a Pyro T to improve my image. (see icon, steel t-shirts re SO yesterday!)

5. I had to put in the word verification three times before it was accepted. It is now iclnzu, and I think I am getting carple tunnel.

Gordon said...

1. That's a really cool shirt.

2. I like to wear t-shirts.

3. I know a lot of people, so my wearing this shirt would generate tons of blog traffic for you.

4. I've been known to start a few fires myself.

5. Wouldn't it make you happy to think about a non-Reformed wearing a "Pyromaniacs" t-shirt?

Jeremy Weaver said...

1. I deserve good things.

2. I am entitled to my share of happiness.

3. I refuse to beat myself up.

4. I am an attractive person.

5. I am fun to be with.

Extra Credit

6. I'm going to do a terrific show today!

7. I'm gonna help people!

8. I'm good enough,

9. I'm smart enough

10. Doggonit, people like me!

FX Turk said...

I hope there are going to be more entries than this.

Free, but nor easy, folks.

Phil Johnson said...

Give me time. I'm thinking....

Scott Roche said...

I need to be the one because;
1) I was predestined to win it.
2) No one comments on my comments, so my winning it would mean that my comments are actually visible.
3) Fire is cool.
4) I think you should give away the beer stein as beer is not only good, but drinking it is not a sin (I'll go so far as to say that in another culture it would have been used instead of wine).
5) I just got rid of a bunch of old tees and need some new ones.

Kymanika said...

1.)Phil has warped me for life because I still cant get the nickname Philidrip (his old mirc nick) out of my head.

2.) I read this blog a least 6 times a day.

3.) I have to put up with knowing David Ponter as a close friend.

4.) I tried to make my own Pyro t-shirt, but I burnt myself on the tummy.

5.)See item #1

Kay said...

1. I think the pawn shop thing is funny.

2. I am truly a Pyromaniac at heart.

3. I am a complete fangirl homeschool mum.

4. I have any number of uses for a simple white t-shirt.

5. I won't mind if I don't win, because the shipping will truly probably feed a small country.

FX Turk said...

Look, people. You have to put a pencil to this thing. For example:

Top 5 reasons I should win the t-shirt

[5] If I slip my hand inside that shirt, I'll bet I it comes out leprous (Ex 4:6-7, MSG)

[4] Judges 5:28 [MSG]

[3] I don't want centuri0n to suffer like the guy in Ps 6:1 [MSG]

[2] I'm a missionary [Luke 12:35, MSG]

[1] I finally found a decent use for the Message.

Matthew said...

Here's mine, Letterman style...

5.) Because we wants it: The precious is ours, give it to us!

4.) Because I am frugal: Actually I'm just cheap. I typically only buy clothes once a year - and from the clearance racks retail outlets like Target/Wal-Mart. A free t-shirt would be yet another means for me to continue my adversarial relationship with American mass-consumerism.

3.) Because my Summer wardrobe is looking kinda thin: Oklahoma can get mighty warm during this time of year and my Puritan shirts are starting to look sorta raggedy. A shirt like this would be rather high on my personal clothing rotation.

2.) Because I am a college student in the Philosophy and Religious Studies department(s): Wearing my shirt would likely provoke no small amount of curiosity amongst my peers and possibly generate some traffic for the site and, therefore, provide ample witnessing opportunities amongst smug academic types for guys like Frank Turk and Dan Phillips to engage.

1.) Because I do not deserve it: Hey, I'm a Calvinist - the only thing I deserve is the Justice of eternal Judgment. Who am I to lay claim to anything, even a free t-shirt!

stauf46 said...

1. I live in Northern Alberta; I’d like to see what a t-shirt looks like up close.
2. I would wear it with pride under my parka (I hope Rebecca in Whitehorse doesn’t decide to trump me here…)
3. I didn’t get Phil’s autographed Pyro sticker Tim put up on EBay.
4. Edmonton Oilers t-shirts are too expensive right now
5. My daughter could wear it while she delivers papers. It would go nicely with the bright blue T4G bag she has stolen from her dad.


Jeremy Weaver said...

Give it to Stuart...He needs to be affirmed.

Chuck said...

1. I am depressed because I have no knowledge of html, so my blog is ugly. Every day I come to this blog and think, 'I wish I could make a blog that looks this good.' Therefore, in order to help make me feel good about myself, give me the shirt.

2. Jesus said, 'Whatever you do unto the least of these...'Last time I checked, I was one of the least of these.

3. I have never made a 'This is where I am right now post' simply because I am terried of centuriOn. I swear, if I ever post one of those, he'll pop out of my closet with a chub of frozen ground beef and clobber me.

4. I don't like N.T. Wright's books, or his approach to historiography. Therefore I need a shirt with a Pyromaniacs logo on in order to show that I have protection. It's kind of like a gang sign- or maybe having connections to the Gotti family. (Are any of you Italian?)

5. I am a youth minister, so I need another biblically themed T-shirt to meet the minimum quota in order to retain my credibility. I bought a David Crowder cd last week, but my stock is still plummeting.

Chuck said...

Number two should say 'terrified'. Good grief, I am awful.

Chuck said...

Oops- I mean number three! I am pathetic.

Daniel said...

Top 5 reasons I should win the teampyro shirt:

[5] Look at my avatar - clearly I need the shirt.

[4] I am not Daniel J. Phillips

[3] Canada needs to know about TeamPyro!

[2] I love the Lord, my wife, my children, and my church.

[1] I was the first person to shamelessly plug ...and his ministers a FLAME of FIRE with a link in the meta.


1. I wish I'd invented the Pyromaniac Blog.

2. I'm a Pyromaniac at heart!

3. Scott Roche was predestined to mistakenly think that he was predestined to win it when I actually was.

4. I put a link to Pyromaniacs on my Blog, which is sweeping over the world like a wildfire itself. (You've probably already noticed the extra two or three referal hits)

5. Giving me the t-shirt would be an excellent demonstration of grace! – giving me something that I have not earned and have no ability to earn.

Amy from Ezekiel's Garden said...

1. I'm a newbie to the site & to blogging in general.

2. My assistant pastor grew up in MacArthur's church, and I'm friends with his wife (AP's wife, not MacArthur's).

3. My A/C went out, it's really hot here, and chasing 3 small boys in hot weather sans A/C leaves one needing fresh shirts.

4. In submission to my husband, I would let him wear it if he wanted to.

5. I'm a former pentecostal-turned-Roman Catholic-turned-Presbyterian-turned-Reformed Baptist, and my parents and in-laws would like to see me burn.

FX Turk said...

oh man --

Daniel is CLEARLY in the lead for the shirt.

... nice toady ... :-)

Tim Challies said...

1. I'll link to your blog from my site, resulting in a veritable deluge of traffic.

2. I'll link to your blog from my site, resulting in a veritable deluge of traffic.

3. I'll link to your blog from my site, resulting in a veritable deluge of traffic.

4. I'll link to your blog from my site, resulting in a veritable deluge of traffic.

5. I'll link to your blog from my site, resulting in a veritable deluge of traffic.

Face it people, I know how to pluck Centuri0n's strings. That shirt is SO mine!

Wayne said...

Top five reasons why I deserve this t-shirt:

(5) When I told my son about it, he said, "Cool, X-men! Does it have Iceman on it?"

(4) I'm Chinese and one of my relatives probably made it in a sweatshop in China ... it'll be nice to get something from back home.

(3) I have never gotten anything valu... what? Oh, value t-shirt not valuable t-shirt. Never mind.

(2) This is where I'm at right now. I'm into t-shirts right now. Want to see a picture of me in a t-shirt?

(1) Anything intelligently designed by Phillip E. Johnson must be worth having.

The Owen Group said...

1. I am, by natural disposition, the posterboy for Pyromaniacs. At 6 (and I have the documentation for proof) I lit an apartment complex on fire. What can I say? I had too much free time on my hands.

2. #1 proves that at one point in my life I was the latter half of the conjunction Pyro*maniac*.

3. I go to the gym every single morning (well, except on Sunday mornings) and box. I often have people come up to me to ask me about my training. What a great way to spark conversation by wearing that shirt.

4. When I smoked I used a zippo. Even though that was many moons ago, it is still applicable - kind of, right?

5. I really, really like your blog, visit it often, and employ much of the quotes in sermons and conversation.

FX Turk said...


You blog only generates a blip in thru traffic.


The Phillip E. Johnson thing kills me. every time.

ChosenClay said...

One Simple reason.

I see, in person, Dan "Boo-Yah" Phillips, about twice a week and have to jockey for the same row of seats at church every Sunday!

Soaring Oaks Presbyterian Church PCA

The Owen Group said...

By the way, my name is Dustin and I am the Assoc. Pastor of Bridgeway Bible Church. My icon is a bit misleading.


Winner of the shirt! (I'm stating that in the "name it and claim it" sort of sense.

Jeremiah Johnson said...


I think I deserve some free Pyro-swag just for staying away as long as I have.


Carla Rolfe said...

Oh Frank is BRUTAL! While I have reservations about grovelling in public...

1. I have 7 kids which means I never buy anything for myself.

2. I don't want Tim to win it.

3. Competing for a free T by promoting my own felt needs is humiliating, but worth it.

4. The Pyro logo just rocks & I've wanted one since day 1.

5. I would feel special and walk with a spring in my step out in public while wearing my new Pyro T.

If Tim wins, I'm disowning him as a fellow Canadian. So there.

Clare said...

Five points huh?

1. Total deprivity

I am totally deprived of a t-shirt

2. Unconditioned election

If you choose to send it elswhere it will be damaged. I own fabric conditioner with which to wash it carefully.

3. Limited at-home-ment

I spend a lot of time out of the house so you'll get a lot of publicity.

4. Irresistible face

Not mine, CHS's!! Look at the big pleading eyes. You can't argue with Charlie!

5. Perseverance of the Saints




oh please

ohh per-lease

with a cherry on top

**edited for nauseous grovelly content**

Even So... said...

I will win the shirt because

1)I gave the Gospel (see centuri0n's post "thank me very much - from 5-18" as the reason for putting up with the "this is where I am now" posts, and

2) Frank was wowed, gave me a "Dude. Nice work", and

3) His very next post was "here is where I am right now". Score, and I don't care that he might have been being sarcastic.

4) I am in his mind, and he invented this little game in order to give my poor little html challenged blog some pub and

5) He will give me the shirt.

P.S. - Thanks Daniel for being practically the only visitor to my world, but I will have that shirt if I have to go to Winnipeg to get it, understand? And I am a big bad 5'3", so there!)

Hey Frank, you caused my old man's true colors to show, how ugly! Nice work, now I really need a good dose of the Gospel and that white shirt to cover them up!

Rob Steele said...

5) I was naked and you clothed me. That's me, standing here starkers. You might want to send some shorts too.

4) It would look really good on me. True, it would look better on most anyone else but...

3) It would really look really good on my ten year old Emma, who would appropriate it for a nightshirt anyway.

2) Working on this one.

1) I will send you a photo of the shirt being modeled on the steps of Boston's John Adams Courthouse, home of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court, favorite for the prize of most lawless court in North America.

Dead Corpse said...

5 reasons I wont win

1. Calvin killed Severtus

2. Where did Edwards come with continous creation

3. Dispys are new.

4. Charles Spurgeon smoke cigars and he just loved them

5. "Not Enough to be Reformed" by Douglas Wilson is the most horrible book, only beaten by Left Behind junk

FX Turk said...

OK -- I'm going home for the Tuesday, and so far my own post is the best. Coupla nice chuckles otherwise, but so far nobody's beat the "Message" 5.

Anonymous said...

(Hoping no one puts 2 and 2 together to realize that this is the same person who posted under "The Owen Group" - so, fall victim to the Jedi mind trick)

1. It's meant to be that I have that shirt. Why? We had a client here with the last name Spurgeon. So on Monday when I do my weekly calls I actually asked the wife, "_______, have you ever heard of Charles Spurgeon?" She said yes, that he was her grandfather. Now, after I almost fell out of my seat and then wiped the snot off of my cheek I said, "Are you serious? The preacher - Charles Spurgeon - was your grandfather?" She said yes. Well, actually he was her husbands grandfather, but whatever. I then asked if they had any of his things. She said that yes, they had quite a bit of stuff. She said that they had old writings and journals and stuff. After a few minutes of trying to force my way into their home to take a tour, I realize that the home she was talking about was not the one that we had for sell, but the one that they lived in, which was in a whole different state. Needless to say, that was a sad day for me.

2. Hold on - I'm still working on getting over the memory of #1. Ok, well, although I'm an Assoc. Pastor, I work a full-time job and don't have any cool shirts like that.

3. I'd be the envy at the next Elders meeting. I wouldn't even let them know until I walked in. Can you even imagine the surprise???

4. I can make cool acrostics at your request for TULIP or any other flower.

5. I will resort to taking pictures of my daughter making very sad faces in order to appeal to your emotions. Believe me, that is the trump card for me. I'm a shoe in if I do that.

Dusti...I mean, a new blogger.

Kim said...

Here are my reasons:

1. I want to give it to Carla.
2. I'm a homeschool mom and my children are the answer to the world's problems.
3. Because the Pyro tank top I just received is rather "fitted" and hubby won't let me wear it in public.
4. Because my husband writes poetry that annoys Frank.
5. I just might be the only commenter here who has a daughter who has read and been offended by Frank's blog.

Seriously, Frank, you should make a note for women to order their shirts a size larger to ensure proper modesty!

DJP said...

chosenclay -- I see, in person, Dan "Boo-Yah" Phillips, about twice a week and have to jockey for the same row of seats at church every Sunday!

Aigh! I have a stalker!

Scott Hill said...

1. Because if you send me a Pyro shirt I will send Phil a Fide-O shirt.

2. Fide-O shirts aren't quite as in demand as Pyro shirts, but they do help prove your a real man. (not that I think you need any help in that area)

3. I will let you pick the Fide-O shirt.

4. I will post a picture of me wearing it on Fide-O.

5. I really like to win.

Neil said...

1. I believe in Donny Osmond AND Santa Claus.

2. I have learned from the master, the great and wise centuri0n, and can now practice shameless self-promotion with aplomb, even while on hiatus.

3. The Pyro tank top my wife RECENTLY PAID GOOD CANADIAN DOLLARS FOR, is way inappropriate for public consumption.

4. I am the fourth greatest Christian songwriter of all time, right behind Paul Martin, Steve Sensenig, and Steve Camp. (note that I follow great centuri0n's lead, and do not link them)

5. We share reciprocal links. Oh wait… you don’t link me. Never mind, scratch that one. Okay try this, my wife is a friend of Darlene Johnson, and you are frightened of Darlene, especially when you have perpetrated injustice (See #3.)

Rick Potter said...

1. Because I don't think this contest is crazy and I believe this shirt may just open the eyes of some blind person (as I wear it) - See "The Message John 10:21"

2. Because I'm the first one to look up the verses in "The Message" and realize that you probably should have put Judges 5:30 rather than Judges 5:28.

3. Because if God doesn't providentially do something pretty soon in my business I will end up like the guy in Proverbs 13:23(MSG) and will need the shirt.

4. Since I have not knocked the other posters flat and left them defensless by providing the best reasons I should have the shirt, It should be mine. Obadiah 1:13 (MSG)

5. And finally Frank, if you do not give me the shirt it will hurt me so bad I will have to do as Job does in Job 16:15&16 (MSG)

Dave said...

1. It will broaden your market reach into the fundamentalist camp.

2. It will help James Spurgeon discover that there are some non-Longview fundies.

3. It could help me reduce my travel schedule as the speaking opportunities dry up after being spotted in it.

4. It will supply living proof that fundies are alive and right, not dead right.

5. My father is a retired fire fighter, so the shirt will make a perfact compainion to my Smoke Busters T-shirt.

Scott Hill said...

1. In my morning time of "drop my bible and point to a proof text" Romans 8:28 came up to good things are going to happen i.e. winning a Pyro T-shirt.

2. My fortune cookie at lunch verified that good things are going to happen to me. Surely that meant a Pyro-shirt.

3. This morning in our staff meeting one of the staff recieved "a word" for me which said I would be clothed in the finest rament. Surely that meant a Pyro T-shirt.

4. I called Calvary Chapel radio about a dream I had and they interpreted it to mean that I would soon be recieving gifts from the lord. Surely that meant a Pyro-shirt.

5. Just to be sure while eating a chili cheese dog with grilled onions and hot peppers and reading some of the Christian mystics I received a hot burning sensation in my chest exactly wear the Pyro logo would go.
Surely that meant I was going to get a Pyro T-shirt.

ChosenClay said...

djp said, Aigh! I have a stalker!

Yes and I know where you live also!

Jabbok said...

5. I've never won anything in my life so i figure now is a good time to start.

4. No one at the church I attend could pronounce "Pyromaniacs". Neither do any of them know what a blog is so this would be a good instructional tool for me to wear.

3. I'm probably the least deserving of those who enter so this would be a good demonstration of what grace is all about.

2. I think I'm the only one who has said, "Please Sir, pick me."

1. I'm going to purchase tickets to go see Eric Clapton in September and I promise I'll wear it to the concert.

William Cronister said...

1. I am a Reformed Baptist and a member of an Independent, Fundamental, KJV Only Baptist Church.

2. I love Charles Spurgeon, John Gill, John Bunyan, Johnathan Edwards & all of the Reformers and Puritans.

3. I need a fine T-Shirt for the next Baptist Fellowship to make a statement.

4. Pyromaniacs is my favorite Blog, bar none!

5. I have total eligibility, never before winning a Christian contest, I have no family or friends working for or assciated with Pyromaniacs and furthermore winning a T-Shirt would be GREAT!

Brad Williams said...


1. You should give me the cotton tee shirt because I serve in the most flaming hot place in the nation: South Louisiana.

2. You can always count on me for something thoughtful to say about baptism.

3. I thought that the eyebrow wiggle and the theme music were great.

4. I could not repay you.

5. Everyone likes a guy with a frog.

Brad Williams said...

Oh yeah, here's another one. I actually wrote a good article for the "Christ Bloggers" website. I spent a good deal of time on that thing, and it has now vanished. What's up with that?

Kent Brandenburg said...

Top Ten Reasons Why I Should Personally Receive the Pyromaniac T-Shirt:

10. I really, really know this t-shirt would heal me of chronic drooling.

9. It's way cooler than blue suede shoes.

8. I pledge to use fabric softener.

7. The logo will distract from my Mikhail Gorbachev birth mark.

6. The t-shirt will sufficiently explain why I've become miraculously multi-syllabic.

5. All my other super-hero friends will have to have their own.

4. I would stop feeling like they're just staring at me at group therapy.

3. They'll quit dismissing me as an intellectual lightweight at weekly shuffleboard.

2. Those nasty Pelagian rumors will cease.

1. No one could ever misunderestimate me again.

In The Word said...

1. I frequent your blog daily and enjoy the posts.

2. It would be an excellant "T" for me to wear here in Saudi Arabia as a witness

3. Did I mention I enjoy your blog.

4. It would be a much needed addition to my wardrobe.

5. At least I would be able to finally dress in style!

And yes to number 2, I really do live and work in Saudi Arabia.

Kay said...

oh, I really think Buggy creamed this...

Family Blogs said...

5. Coming from the UK means a tea shirt is much more fitting - you guys oughta be wearing coffee shirts!

4. I have no conscience about merchandise and will wear it with pride.

3. When John MacArthur comes to Northern Ireland in June, I will wear the Pyro shirt to watch his reaction at the ministers' fraternal. I will also enjoy watching the other ministers' reaction at me wearing a T-shirt!

2. My other T-shirt's in the wash.

1. When in Peru next month I will donate it to some of the children we will be ministering to, take a photo and email it to you. Pyro goes global!

Garry Weaver said...

I'd like to have it, but I probably shouldn't win it because:

5.I don't deserve it.

4.I don't know anybody, so no one would see it even if I wore it.

3. It doesn't have a picture of an old Chevy on it.

2. It wouldn't fit 'cause it doesn't have the 'bubble' in the middle.

1. A large part of my state is presently on fire, and it has been suggested that my red hot preaching may have had something to do with it. Therefore a 'PYROMANIACS' tee shirt could be hard for me to explain.

FX Turk said...

Jabbok might win if he promises to climb up on stage and get Clapton to wear the T and have his picture made.

FX Turk said...

Brad Williams also has me over a barrel for the t-shirt because he's right: I started StumblingBlog, solicited an essay from him, promised to post it, and then dropped the ball.

Boy, am I having a bad year with Brad.

FX Turk said...

Brandenberg has a nice entry here, but he did 10 instead of 5.

You could have posted twice, Kent.

FX Turk said...

My only question after last night's volley of entries is this:

Would it be worse for Kim if her women's T from the pawn shop was too loose rather than too tight? I'm not sure Buggy would appreciate too loose, but I'm also sure he personally appreciates too tight even if he's not having it in public.

(btw, all TeamPyro merchandise is 100% returnable and refundable. If Kim is really upset, she can call the 800 number and trade up a size)

He's a man, after all.

Mister Larry said...

1. I'm going to be a 'new' daddy soon, in about two weeks, and will need a 'burp cloth' handy-- why not a Pyromaniacs T-shirt??

2. It will match the beer stein, and I'll get to wipe off the Yuengling Lager with the sleeve.

3. Lovebugs here in Florida are becoming a nuisance recently. They swarm everywhere, especially when working out in the yard, and a T-shirt is handy to keep the lovebugs off.

4. The theme of the Pyromaniacs logo goes hand in hand with my backyard charcoal smoker. It's nice to smell a T-shirt with the smell of smoke on it, and the logo would be quite fitting. I'm sure the baby back ribs won't mind, either.

5. After having baby burp slop, Florida love bugs, sweat-drenched lawn mowed 'freshness' and BBQ smoke, I can contact a laundry detergent company and get them to use the Pyromaniacs T-shirt for a demonstration that their product gets the shirt clean. All the more commercialism one needs for a blogsite!

Extra Credit: I'd hand down my Pyromaniacs T-shirt to my son Simon, who is going to be born very soon, and will be a memorable treat to him for many years to come.

Neil said...

Hey Frank, don't mistake my sycophantic begging for own shirt for customer dissatisfaction. Enough said.

David & Rose Ann said...

1. Fire shirts are cool
2. Shook Tim Challies hand in CA
3. Saw Turk once
4. Can spell Soteriology
5. Will replace free Purpose-DrivenTM tee that adopted 3-yr old Latino son destroyed.

Kent Brandenburg said...


Please count 10-6 as hordeuvres, proverbial warm-ups, stretches for the real activity or entry #2. 5-1 as entry one.

Kim said...



Rogar said...

1. I like it.
2. I really like it.
3. I really REALLY like it.
4. I really REALLY TRULY like it.
5. It's free.

Rogar said...

1. I like it.
2. I really like it.
3. I really REALLY like it.
4. I really REALLY TRULY like it.
5. It's free.

x_x_x said...

5. I'm a homeschooling mom.
4. I'm a homeschooling mom.
3. I'm a homeschooling mom.
2. I'm a homeschooling mom.
1. I'm a homeschooling mom.

(It's worth a shot...)

candy said...

1. Tim Challies should not get the T-shirt cuz he will just sell it on Ebay.

2. Do you really want someone who looks like Daniel to wear the T-shirt? He looks like he just got off the Greyhound bus after a vacation in Vegas.

3. Groveling is unbecoming even if it is Frank Turk, and whoever mentioned steins is just looking for trouble.

4. Those who mention predestination in the matter aren't trusting in the sovereignty of God if they have to even mention that they are predestined to receive the T-shirt.

5. That leaves me.

Daniel Portela said...

Reasons for Mr. Turk to pick moah:

1) With this t-shirt I will be the pioneer of Pyro-wear in Brazil.

2) I just got married, so I am broke and need a t-shirt.

3) the pawn shop is not a stumbling block to me (yet).

4) This is not my first comment on Pyromaniacs, therefore I am not one of those people that write just for free stuff :-) (not that there are any of those here... ehem)

5) My mother's son in law's brother's uncle's friend's neighbor, knows John MacArthur or somebody with that name, so according to the logic in previous comments, this is a good enough argument to get me a t-shirt...

greetings from good ole Brazil,

Daniel Portela


Supraman said...

Now to begin the shameless appeal to a fellow comic fan…

1. Like you, I stand for Him Who is Truth and Justice, and the Founder of the Way (not the “International” version, mind you).

2. The “S” logo needs replacing…

3. Contrary to the nefarious but wise Dr. O’s continuous statements to the contrary (see: http://www.aomin.org/index.php?itemid=1370), your comments are relevant and do have meaning, Centuri0n.

4. What greater honor could be bestowed from one mortal to another, than to receive a T from such renowned Meta-Christians as Centuri0n, Boo-Yah, the Howling Coyote, Pecadillo (if he even exists) and the Pyromaniac? Besides, what sounds cooler – Justice League or Team Pyro? I mean, Great Scott, man!

5. I am living out your corrective advice (advice you gave me during your last T-shirt contest)…I now wear my underwear on the inside!

JackW said...

1. It will go well with all the other stuff I don’t want.
2. I don’t want a “Your Best Life Now!” shirt.
3. I don’t want a Purpose Driven shirt.
4. I don’t want a ubiquitous Promise Keepers shirt.
5. My Club Gitmo shirts are starting to fade.

Oh never mind ... please just give it to carla!

Pastor Eldred said...

1. Colossians 3:9, 10 [MSG] Since my old wardrobe was 'burned in the fire' how appropo would PyroGear be for me as I am 'dressed in a new wardrobe.'?

2. Colossians 3:14 [My MSG] I am sure that Peterson meant to say that 'regardless of what else you put on, wear PyroGear. It's your basic all-purpose garment. Never be without it."

3. Since Timothy has yet to arrive with my winter coat (2 Timothy 4:13 MSG), a PyroGear tee would ward off the cold!

4. Since the PyroGear shirt is made from natural fibers, it certainly fits the description in Matthew 6:28b - 29 [MSG] 'have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressd men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.'

5. I would hate to suffer the fate of the gentleman in Matthew 22:11, 12 [MSG] 'a man who wasn't properly dressed. (The king)said to him "Friend, how dare you come in here looking like that!"

FX Turk said...

OK Posers:

I already tapped all the funny out of MSG. All new posts trying to milk my funny will be disqualified.

If Carla gets any more votes for the t-shirt, I'm going to give it to her -- but send the version which Kim bought already. And demand that she have her picture made in it.

That said, today have been much more amusing than yesterday. You have all obviously started thinking about this rather than just tossing off 5 reasons. I know who my top-3 are right now.

Darlene said...

Okay here's a vote for Carla. (See that makes Kim, Buggy and Carla happy--sorry Libbie!)

But Frank, surely you meant that Carla could choose which shirt - right? :-)

FX Turk said...


No fair sending your wife in to do your dirty work. This is the lowest sort of graft -- the passive-aggressive kind which cannot be refuted lest one would seem mean and surly.


Yes ma'am. Right away ma'am. Sorry ma'am.

Darlene said...

Oh Frank, thanks a bunch! Phil is very busy today and has no idea I am commenting on the blog. Oh boy!!

Kim said...


Thanks for making the home school moms happy!

Neil said...

I withdraw my entry. I nominate Carla's husband Kevin.

1. Carla hogs the computer so that Kevin can't start his own blog.
2. Kevin can read through a Systematic Theology, any Systematic Theology, in less than a month.
3. Look how much Carla blogs. Imagine how much she talks.
4. Kevin sings opera.
5. I bought a shirt from Kevin's wife's pawn shop, and it fits.

Amy from Ezekiel's Garden said...

Well, this is my second ever comment here, but not just because of free stuff (but because it was the first post I felt worthy of commenting on). I officially rescind my entry and place a vote for Carla. I now have my A/C back, and I only have 3 kids, not 7, so I can occasionally buy myself stuff, thus I am not as deserving of a free shirt as she.

FX Turk said...

This thread has decomposed into a lot of selfless nominating of homeschool family members. Don't make me disqualify Carla because you people can't play by the rules.

Brad Williams said...


Look, I'll take the stein. I'll drink my Dr. Peppers in it whilst I whither in heat. The T-Shirt would be nice; the stein would be better.

Brad Williams said...

Whither in the heat, that is. I am not kidding, it is so hot down here that I have no doubt why Jason and Scott went to California to plant a church.

FX Turk said...

Jason and Scott went to CA to plant a church because they thought it would be easy pickin's, given he choices people had out there.

Little did they know that people were actually looking for a Purpose Driven Life.


Phil Johnson said...

I'd have voted to give the t-shirt to anyone who noticed or commented on the lovely new rotating blogheaders.

Since no one has said anything, pro or con about the revised blogdesign, I vote to give the shirt to Libbie. Not only did I like her list, but her comments (and blog) are always worth reading. Plus, I like the idea of exporting a Pyro-T to the UK. I'll even pay the postage.

Phil Johnson said...

PS: Andrew's offer to wear the Pyro-t to a pastors' fraternal where John MacArthur would be speaking in Northern Ireland was also very tempting. Unfortunately, that event is next week, and CafePress probably wouldn't get the shirt delivered in time.

However, Andrew: if you'll e-mail me your address and shirt size, I'll send you a shirt. In terms of advertising value, you certainly offer more bang for the buck than anyone—if you'll really wear the shirt from Belfast to Peru.

Carla Rolfe said...

No fair Phil! I noticed the tomato immediately!!

*stomps her foot and whines like a 2 yr old...

Ahem, okay I'm all better now. Thank you Darlene, Kim and you other nice folks who nominated me to win this fine garment.

Buggy, you hush! ;o)

Phil Johnson said...

Yeah, but you actually would've needed to comment about it on the blog to get my vote.

Carla Rolfe said...

Email didn't count!?

This thing is rigged, RIGGED I tell ya!


Kim said...

My 11 year old son was reading over my shoulder this evening and caught the change in headers. Mighty cool!

Steve said...

The PyroManiacs logo on toilet paper? C'mon, guys. You deserve placement on Brawny paper towels, given the heavy-duty theological "verbal spills" you clean up from the likes of N.T. Wright, Brian McLaren, etc.

As for the free t-shirt. I am not witty enough to attempt a shot at the definitive doctrinal fashion statement. I'd probably end up in second--as when I bid on the Tim Challies PyroManiac sticker signed by Phil Johnson.

Andrew E. Courtis said...

Here are my five reasons:

(1) This is one way I can promote this ministry

(2) People Down-Under need to here about Pyromaniacs (I'm from Australia)

(3) The kids in my youth group will actually think I look cool

(4) Since I've been married I have put on a little weight and I need some bigger clothes :)

(5) I want people to see that I am a Pyro supporter!!!

From Andrew Courtis

Sharad Yadav said...

1. It might make me holy, or at least right about something

2. I promise to smother a few Arminians with it

3. By wearing it the elect can easily identify their brethren

4. I could own something Centuri0n may have touched, and if it is verified that he has indeed touched it, I will baptize all of my infant children in it.

5. I can identify the emergent in my area by trying to determine the trajectory of the spittle which it will inevitibly attract.

Even So... said...

Is it true, the Blue Raja is back, or am I just up too late again?

PressingOn said...

I think it is only right that I should get in on this....

1. Just think of the poetic irony! The person who raised concerns about Pyromaniacs marketing themselves and "fleecing the flock" (I did take that back!) actually owning and proudly wearing a Pyro t-shirt! That's gotta make you happy, Frank! (Besides, people will think Kirstie Alley reads your blog! :o))

2. I wouldn't have to go against any of my convictions and I could put all of the money I save toward missions, but I could still own my very own Pyro t-shirt (which I am secretly coveting).

3. I know how much Phil Johnson loves the thought of the Pyro logo being displayed on his loyal readers for all to see, and I would love to make him smile.

4. Carla already has plenty of t-shirts; she sells them, too, for goodness' sake! Just send her an iron-on transfer and she'll be taken care of. :o)

5. Not only am I also a homeschooling mom, but I'm a missionary, too! I'm tired of hand-me-downs and thrift-store finds; I want to wear something nobody else has ever worn before. That's assuming that Frank doesn't try these things on before they're mailed out.

Sharad Yadav said...

Even so...,

What can I say . . . I'm weak (just ask all my former P.E. teachers).

Annette said...

1. i love t-shirts
2. i haven't purchased a new one since we got married (four years)j
3. my son (10 months) is just starting to notice that t-shirts have pictures and this might inspire him!
4. i'm cute! :) no .. really!
5. because summers in Ontario are hot and thin is good.

FX Turk said...


I have a monkey that tries all the shirts on, so rest assured that they have never been touched by human hands.

FX Turk said...

As for the return of the Blue Raja, let me go on-record as to say that there is no doubt that the offer of free TeamPyro gear brings everyone out of the woodwork.

We know that the Tavernistas are lurking and are just too cowed to admit they's love a T-shirt. At least raja is man enough to admit Free is Good.

Anonymous said...

1. It will keep me from going shirtless all summer long, so that I might not offend any of the "modesty" sensibilites of many Pyromaniacs readers.
2. My "say no to Che" t-shirt has a hole in it.
3. The Lord gave me a "word" that you should give it to me. I believe the word was "free".
4. It will go well with the flip flops I wear to church.
5. Since I will never actually buy one, yet still want one, this is my only chance.

FX Turk said...


I hope the hole in your Che shirt is a bullet hole. Just to keep it "authentic", bro.

Unknown said...

1) Because the original Pyromaniac executed me a while ago and the clothes I was wearing got kinda messed up.

2) Because my son is a party animal just like Pecadillo.

3) Because I got Phil to fall for a meme, and he don’t do meme’s.

4)In my absence, Phil was kind enough to give my son a ride on the Pyro Bus.

5) However, he dropped him off here

It is the least team pyro can do since I am now gone, and I have a two year old that likes to drink beer and discuss theology;)


Al said...

1. I have been driven to drink by Frank's posts and this 'T' might be the only thing that keeps me out of the BHT on a regular basis.

2. I am a veteran. I put my life on the line to secure Frank's huckster opportunities.

3. I rarely cuss…

4. I work in an office with a former Mormon, homosexual, atheist who just told me I should put up some decorations on my new desk. Witnessing opportunities galore for T-shirt turned wall art.

5. I am a paedobaptist! Show the world your ecumenical spirit and we will press forward into that one faith, one baptism thing.

PS did I mention I was a veteran?

FX Turk said...

In round numbers, you ave 5 hours left to make a fool of yourself and qualify for this month's t-shirt giveaway.

Matt Gumm said...

5 Reasons I Don't Want the Free Pyro shirt

5) It would be so...unseemly...for Centuri0n to award a free shirt to one of his cronies (although if you had to pick one, you should give it to Carla).

4) A onesie would be better. If I was Phil's sidekick, he would have given me a onesie.

3) I'd rather have a wooden nickel.

2) I have no problem hawking other people's stuff on my site.

1) If I won, my wife would know I was doing this instead of taking care of the baby, and I'd be in big trouble.

Matt Gumm said...

#2...add hence I need to additional incentive to do so.

FX Turk said...

As you can all see, Gummby is no mediocre sidekick. He's as sneaky as a snake and as greedy as a ... as a ... he's all over free like white on rice.

"why I don't want to win" ... Notice that nobody else was as expert at putting the Vulcan mind trick into play as this unassuming young man from Little Rock.

It will be hard not to give him a t-shirt. However, the rest of you have about 2 hours to show me you deserve it more than he does.

DJP said...

Wait -- does that mean I have 118 minutes to put up a pithy post, so you can topple it?

And if I do... T-shirt??

Daniel said...

I have five minutes left so I better be quick

[5] I fell into an upholstery making machine - but I have am now fully recovered

[4] I fell into a lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of myself.

[3] I once made holy water by boiling the "hell" out of it.

[2] I used to think the rapture was something you got when you tried to life the piano

[1] I like the logo - spiffy.

FX Turk said...

Dan --

You can't win. You're not that funny.

Daniel --

Eh. Your first one was better.

Exblogitory said...

I know this contest is offically over but here is a different take. Here are 5 reasons why the T Shirt should be given to the homeless or poor who are in need of such clothes:

1. You'd be following Paul's example to remember the poor (Galatians 2:10).

2. You'd be showing yourself gracious and therefore honoring God (Prov 14:31; See also Prov 28:27).

3. All grace will abound to you, so that you may abound in every good work (2 Cor 9:8).

4. It will adorn the glorious gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ to the unbelieving world through your generosity.

5. It will prove again that Christians love in both word and deed (1 John 3:18).

sinner saved by His grace,

Matt Gumm said...

Notice that nobody else was as expert at putting the Vulcan mind trick into play...

Or, as Cap'n Kirk once said, "It had the virtue of never having been tried."

Daniel said...

Eh. Your first one was better.

That was my consensus too. ;-)