18 March 2011

I Had Nothing to Do with This

by Phil Johnson

he music department at Grace Community Church used this white board to plan the order of service for each session of the Shepherds' Conference:


CLICK TO ENLARGE

ere's what the white board looked like after some anonymous miscreant (a seminary student enjoying Spring Break, perhaps) used it to reimagine what "The Shepherds' Conversation" might look like if we had been prone to follow the evangelical drift of the past couple of decades:


CLICK TO ENLARGE

I'm not saying how I got the pictures, either.

EXTRA: One of our readers, Ric Kolseth, made a version of the graphic that changes on mouseovers, making it easier to compare the two versions. I now have a whole new appreciation for the level of detail that went into the scheduling process for next year's "Shepherds' Conversation." If they would just add a seminar for Scot McKnight to give us a more detailed deconstruction of the question Martin Bashir kept asking Rob Bell, along with Scot's own apologia for Bell's brand of universalism, we could all sleep easier.


Phil's signature


(BTW, I'm still convalescing; I'll be back at the blog April 4, Lord willing. If you're waiting for me to reply to an e-mail, snail-mail letter, or any other query, I'm doing my best to catch up. Thanks for your patience.)

40 comments:

Sharon said...

Priceless! :-)

Rachael Starke said...

That.Is. Hilarious.

But I can't find the slot for the midnight JMac and DutchBoy rave.

Rob said...

Hilarious!

Gregg said...

There is an enterprising seminary student who will pastor the next megachurch while writing the next best seller!

Mike Riccardi said...

Classic. Proud to be in the band of brothers. :-)

And boy, that guy had a lot of material. Well done, sir. Well done.

Phil Johnson said...

Riccardi:

I have a nagging suspicion that you know more about this than you are letting on.

The Squirrel said...

After seeing his impression of C.J. Mahaney at Resolved last year, & without evidence to the contrary, I'm blaming Jonathan Rourke...

Squirrel

The Squirrel said...

But, yeah, I could see Riccardi pullin' something like this...

Coach Taylor said...

Make sure you stick around for Osteen's sermon "I Dunno." I've heard it before, and the applications are astounding.

Tim said...

Well, Phil said he would not be blogging for a month unless something "totally unforeseen in the evangelical world" happened.

And by golly it did.

Tim said...

I have to admit:

Phill Webb singing that Le Miz song = Awesome

Steve playing a Phantom of the Opera Solo = Awesome

Jubilant singing Under the Sea = AWESOMEEST!

Fred Butler said...

Too bad Johnny Cash is dead, because his performance of "Be Still My Soul" would have been awesome with the choir.

Stefan said...

Absolutely brilliant—down to the smallest details!

That may be the most pseudo-inspired bit of graffiti ever to be perpetrated in the annals of theological hijinks.

I laughed, I cried.

Reader said...

Hey that's not a mock up that's the Desiring God conferences of the future.

Fusion! said...

Funny, but not sure why they lump Mark Driscoll with the likes of Deepak Choprah.

SolaMommy said...

That is just spectacular :-D

Sharon said...
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John said...

Folks: Phil did it.

And if he doesn't confess and come clean on it somebody's going on Twitter with the evidence. You think there aren't cameras everywhere on the Grace campus? What was he thinking?

Luke Wolford said...

It turns out I went to college with one of the perpetrators. He has claimed responsibility on Facebook. (Makes them sound like some terrorist organization, doesn't it.)

John said...

Luke: don't believe it.

Fact: what kind of people have ready access to the Grace choir room?

Fact: what kind of person but Phil would claim at the outset that he had nothing to do with it.

Fact: what person recently confessed to watching Veggie Tales with their grandchildren renewing their mind with such things as was done in the defacing of the sacred board.

Fact: Bob the Tomato once called for a "beach day."

Fact: who but Phil Johnson has as much knowledge of the emergent circus as evidenced in the defacing of the sacred board.

Fact: there are fingerprints on those markers interestingly shown only in the second picture.

Fact: note the position of the small plastic bag in the foreground of the second picture.

Fact: we can't trust facebook.

Fact: video surveillance doesn't lie.

Sharon said...
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donsands said...

Ah, I love these kinds of shenanigans. Makes for a light bit of jolly Christian fun.

May our Lord quicken your recovery. Amen. Have a terrific Lord's day.

Phil Johnson said...

John: "what kind of person but Phil . . ."

OK, I confess that it's the KIND of thing I might ordinarily do, given the opportunity. However:

1. There's a restraining order requiring me to stay at least 30 yards from any entrance to the choir room; ten feet from any musical instrument; and 50 yards from any percussion instrument at Grace Church.

2. I'm likewise forbidden to use either sharpies or dry-erase pens on the church campus.

3. I was busy watching Veggie Tales when this event occurred. I have photographic proof of that.

It does, however, give me cold shivers to think there's another mind so twisted running loose on our church campus.

Matt Judy said...

If you only knew, Phil....

Stefan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stefan said...

Thanks to Ric for the mouseover version.

The parody really is rich in details...you can go through all the hymn titles, Scripture readings (Psalm 62 becomes Proverbs 7), etc.

Whoever did this is a mad genius...like the guy I once heard of, who'd spent too long studying the early Patristics in the original languages by candlelight, while completing post-doc work at the Charismatic Lutheran Seminary of Lower Bessarabia (football team: the Howling Wolves).

Either that, or Dan Brown did it in the library with a candlestick.

7drizzles7 said...

One's got to love the Beach Day as a cherry on the top!Not to forget the Limbo dance after the sermon.Lol

TBE said...

just out of curiosity...who is "Crouch" referring to on the (expertly done) gag board? Can't place the name.

~Mark said...

Take you time returning Phil, I miss your posts but I more look forward to reading that you are, once again, doing somersaults. ;-)

Phil Johnson said...

TBE:

Paul Crouch.

one busy mom said...

histerical! Priceless! No doubt, this is the creation of a brilliant mind.

I soooo appreciate this....my week looked a lot like that whiteboard: topic of Wed night Bible study - our duty to be environmentalists, topic of fri/sat church conference: how evolution meshes with the Bible.

The "thunking" sound is my head beating the wall.....

but this, this was perfect!!!

Steve Berven said...

Heyyyy.....I LIKE Veggie Tales songs!

Solameanie said...

I am horribly distressed at the tone of the whiteboard and subsequent comments. Excuse me while I go and ingest two Klonepin to help calm me down.

It's just not right to make me laugh against my will on a Monday morning.

Gage Herrmann said...

Funny. But really, It's seems strange to lump Mark Driscoll in with those others...

stratagem said...

Personally I think "I dunno" would make a pretty darn good sermon!

Hillbilly Geek said...

...Felt it deserved something on the order of the Rathergate "throbbing gif", but a readable animated gif would really be too huge...
(HillbillyGeek = Ric)

Hillbilly Geek said...

(just to clarfy: Ric NOT = Charles Johnson!)

Elaine said...

That's really funny! I keep wondering just how all those people would have access through the doors though. Oh, right, maybe that's a prophetic board and it's somewhere in the future during the tribulation? ;) (except, of course, for a few people, like Clayton and Rourke, etc)

Mrs. Meyers will sprinkle blood on your wallets, so don't forget to bring them! tsc tsc

MP said...

This work was not done by just one, but a collaboration of several twisted musical minds, including my own!

TAR said...

They must have been present for the PCUSA conference ...but those folks weren't laughing