A PyroManiacs special Mother's Day news bulletin for Homeschool Moms
Apparently Ronald McDonald isn't wearing white makeup, orange hair, and striped stockings for nothing. McDonald's sponsors a website that wants your daughters to embrace the Goth lifestyle.Christian parents who think the large portal websites designed for little kids must be perfectly safe ought to take a second look at the KidzWorld site, whose biggest corporate sponsor is none other than McDonald's. (In fact, McDonald's name and logo are so ubiquitous at KidzWorld that it looks like a McDonald's-owned site.)
"Get the Goods on Goth Style"
According to KidzWorld, death as a "lifestyle" is really cool. "If you identify more with Marilyn Manson than Britney Spears, or if you'd rather date your mom than be caught wearing anything floral or J. Lo inspired, you should check out the ins and outs of gothic style," the page tells little girls. The graphic to the left, replete with skull and crossbones on the bottle, is from the KidzWorld site.
Overall, KidzWorld's pages are brightly colored, and that may not seem to fit well with the Gothic mood, but no worries. The article carefully gives your daughter all the helpful tips she needs on Goth basics like black nail polish, black boots, hair dye, studs, and black eyeliner ("Great for lining lips, eyes or drawing stuff on your face").
Those are the "Five Goth Essentials," according to KidzWorld. Links on the page will take the kids to an informative biography on Marilyn Manson. Warning: follow the "Goth clothing" links too far and you will be on the bad side of the Internet pretty quickly.
There's even a place for feedback from the kids. One fourteen-year-old ominously calling herself "Slipknot_4ever" writes, "Thank you so much for the article the goods for goths! I really wanted to go goth and this will really help me! I really needed this article and thank you again! I just have one question, do you know where to find a lot of kool black clothes in Canada? Thanks again!"
At least one 15-year-old critic with obvious expertise in things Gothic (nickname: Acidalayde) thinks KidzWorld's advice is a tad lame. She offers this helpful addendum for the younger girls: "[They] forgot to mention Tape. Duct-Tape, and electrician's tape, can be your best friend. And GAH. Remember kiddies, being the mime is bad, go past the chin-line and to the neck. And neon colours work too. If you want help with style look up Switchblade Symphony, Rasputina, Sisters of Mercy, Cradle of Filth on search engines such as Google"
Hmmm. I certainly wouldn't try those searches. Googling "Cradle of Filth" sounds like a pretty bad bit of advice for adolescent girls. I guarantee it's not what most parents think their kids are being exposed to when they this large, colorful website for kids that promises to keep your children "safe" from the dark side of the Web.
As if that weren't enough...
KidzWorld furnishes links to teen horoscopes, another page on our old friends Hoobastank, a special feature on The Pioneers of Punk, and a surprising array of pages peddling more disgusting aspects of culture's dark side than you can imagine.
KidzWorld is promoting this stuff aggressively and directly to little kids. It's a pretty safe bet that most parents aren't even watching. After all, a website supported so heavily by McDonald's wouldn't deliberately corrupt our kids by promoting Marilyn Manson behind their parents' backwould they?
Well, check out this a sampling of what the KidzWorld search engine serves up for your kids if you put in the word punk. If your kids try the word gay, they'll be offered, among other things, an article that tells what Rosie O'Donnell is doing to help gay parents adopt children.
You may wonder why a website for kids which bills itself as "a safe and secure portal to the best the web has to offer" feels it is their prerogative to instruct your kids on values, lifestyle, and moral issues. Actually, the article on gay adoption is carefully written in totally amoral tones. KidzWorld will surely insist that they are not advocating anything one way or the other. They just want to know what your kids think about such things. Feedback from the kids, as always, is solicited.
Anyway, don't be fooled by the bright colors and fuzzy animals at the top of every page on the site. Someone at KidzWorld is working pretty hard to corrupt your kids.
Shame on McDonald's for underwriting this. Their food is not that good anyway. I'm sticking with In 'n' Out.