28 August 2013

Maybe We Should Call it "Parole"

by Frank Turk

Back in 1997 or 1998, I got my first high-speed dial-up modem for my Giant-Sized Mac LC 500-series  -- a GlobalVillage Teleport Platinum modem with the blazing speed of 53200 BAUD, for which my wife paid something equal to a week's worth of groceries because she loves me.  My iPhone has better internet connectivity than that today, so don't let anyone say nothing has happened in the last 20 years -- but also, don't let them tell you that it was necessarily a good thing. Nevertheless, because of the Teleport Modem and the Big Mac, I learned that on the internet, someone was wrong.  At that time, it was at the MSNBC religion forums, and after a time I graduated from those forums to a place called CARM, and then I graduated to the ProsApologian chat channel where my native Southern Baptist intransigence met the battering ram of 21st century Calvinism, and then I opened up a blob blog at Blogger before its was ingested by Google and became a permanent part of the interwebs.

So in some sense, I am a permanent part of the interwebs.

That link is fantastic by the way -- like looking at an ancient episode of Doctor Who.  I pity you if you don't follow it.

I bring that up because over the course of the last 15 years (!?) of internet mayhem, I have, from time to time, taken a hiatus.  If this were respectable academia, it would have been called a sabbatical, but since we're not that kind of people, maybe we should call it parole -- for the internet and its clown car full of people who think we can't see that they are coming out of a sub-mini compact with red and white stripes, therefore we cannot see that they are clowns (word to the wise: if the red nose fits, wear it).

In the past, I have taken these breaks from my various perches in order to remind myself that, at the end of it, this is the internet and not, for example, my family or my local church.  It's the internet and not even the real world.  Not anything like the real world -- it really is a lot more like a comic book than anyone wants to openly admit.  It has side-effects that look like radioactive mutations and weird costumes which people invent for themselves to run around in and think of themselves as heroes -- when they are, instead, such a mix of comic and macabre that they make some adults laugh, but mostly they are scaring the children.

{sigh.}

All that to say that it's time for my next hiatus, for the sake of getting the right things back in order in my life.  I'm not hardly quitting writing, or from Twitter (as Twitter - but I won't be microblogging from Twitter) but I am on a very disciplined vacation from this blog and my other "serious" (heh, as if) blogs from today until such a time that the side effects of blogging are again funny and useful to me rather than discouraging, frustrating and scary.

I have no idea how long it will last, but if you need to get in touch with me for any reason except blogging, please do get back in touch with me at frank@iturk.com.

Play well with others.  Be in the Lord's house with the Lord's people on the Lord's day.  Remember that Jesus meant "you personally" when he said all those things.  Try to do something else once in a while, Like Ministry.













41 comments:

DJP said...

Aw, one-star hater doesn't want you to go!

Isn't that sweet?

Frank Turk said...

So when I drafted this post two months ago, I thought I'd leave the comments closed, and then when I found one version of the "Cups" video which DJP says he found first (yuh), I reviewed the post and made a minor revision, and wondered if I should open the comments at all. Then I found this kid doing the "Cups" song, and I meant to open the comments because obviously: he's been the kid wearing the paper hat and carrying the wooden sword in my avatar lo these many years. Or else he's really Cubby Martinez.

Either way, comments are open. I know you'll miss me when I'm gone -- what else?

DJP said...

Well, I always said "Good post"!

Webster Hunt (Parts Man) said...

Good for you, Frank, though you will be missed in this corner of the webiverse for sure. But don't worry: when you come back, someone will still be wrong on the internet.

Enjoy your break bro.

Frank Turk said...

Maybe I'll give an award to the best "Hilter reacts" video to the announcement of my hiatus. A t-shirt from the pawn shop or something.

Dale Wilson said...

Good news Frank! I have being given the gift of parpar by God. This gift allows me to grant to you clemency from your self-imposed parole. You are now free to begin writing again.

On a more serious note, you will be greatly missed. I have primarily lurked on this sight for years and have benefited greatly from you contributions. Thank you.

Zachary Bartels said...

So, wait.. it's just gonna be Phil?

Kerry James Allen said...

Memo from the faceless, anonymous under-rowers at TeamPyro International headquarters: We will do our best to row this ship of fools through the uncharted waters toward Parbar in your absence. Your sharp tone and cat of nine tails will be “sorely” missed. Pain is only weakness leaving the body so we have been strengthened by your missives.

Seriously: Enjoy some rest and come back recharged with a vengeance.

Frank Turk said...

I'm not Obama. "Vengence" is not my intention, and it's not on my agenda.

However, it's the thought that counts?

Robert said...

Frank,

I am glad that you are able to do such self-assessments and know when you need a break. I hope that you are encouraged during your break so that you are prepared for more of the hard-heartedness that pops up in online conversations. I am sure that you already know this, but many are actually encouraged by the fact that you take the Bible seriously and work hard to work out the implications of Scripture for all kinds of areas of life. And we can all be encouraged that you do have a family and church that you are growing together with. Thanks for your work here and the care that you have for the body of Christ.

Frank Turk said...

Bartels: FTW

Kerry James Allen said...

Vengeance: With great force or vehemence.

Kerry James Allen said...

Oscar Levant - "There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."

I think he handed his eraser to Michael Coughlin...

http://michaelcoughlin.net/blog/index.php/2013/08/my-tribute-to-frankturkistan/

Webster Hunt (Parts Man) said...

I can envision Mark Driscoll growing one of those evil mustaches and twirling it all evil-like and laughing with a mwahahaha, scheming and planning, and parbaring and such - not realizing that DJP knows exegetical karate.

Tom Chantry said...

My first reaction was, "Wait, there is a real Frank Turk who's not on the internet?"

And then I realized, "No, no, there just couldn't be."

And finally it hit me, "Frank's taking a a vacation from himself."

Webster Hunt (Parts Man) said...

Kerry, the bosun prides himself on cleaving flesh from bone with every swing!



Terry Rayburn said...

Booooooooooo!

But, blessings, Frank.

Just follow your heart :)

Pensive said...

Godspeed, Frank. Kudos for self assessment and what all. You will be missed on the interweirds, but God and your family have prior dibs. I hope time away is healing in every way.

Tom Chantry said...

Does anyone else find it creepy that last week Frank posted a critical book review of DA Carson and that in his very next post we find out that he has to "go away for a little while"?

Did the TGC secret police show up at his door?

DJP said...

Tom, you're forgetting the official TGC stance on everything said at this blog.

DJP said...

Can't do Hitler, but...

Scott Welch (formerly Scooter) said...

Well, Frank is building a TARDIS. The coincidences are starting to add up.

J.F. Martin said...

Frank, Fair Winds and Following Seas!

Thank you for your faithful example. A few things I owe to you:

1) I vote possiblilities, not ideals.
2) I have criteria for para-church evaluation.
3) I'm currently reading 9Marks based on your recommendation.
4) I'm a junior menace who can only be stopped by shiny objects...

Be Blessed Sir!

Tom Chantry said...

It has occurred to me that if DJP stops blogging, no one will be left who allows me to comment on any blog anywhere.

Please, please don't make me reconnect with my real life!

Johnny Dialectic said...

Quite a run, quite a word count. From a purely productive standpoint, homeric. Even though the epics of Homer were not written by him, but by another man of the same name....I have a feeling you wrote every word ascribed to you. Nicely done. Even the prickly bits had a wordsmithing that set you apart from the briar patch at large.

Rest well. Maybe add A Compendium of Christian Theology to your leisure reading...and then plot a comeback.

Kerry James Allen said...

Tom
Got
Censored

Frank Turk said...

Scooter: accusations like that require a link.

Require.

JR said...

So did God call you to do this? Did he tell you? Did he lead you? What quiver in your liver motivated this? How could you do something like this without blaming it on direct revelation?

DJP = Last Man Standing

Pecadilloooooooooooooo!!!!

Scott Welch (formerly Scooter) said...

Good start?

http://tardis-model-planning.blogspot.com/p/downloads.html

Webster Hunt (Parts Man) said...

Kerry and Chantry, this is all your faults. You were supposed to STAY HERE and make sure HE doesn't leave!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekO3Z3XWa0Q

David Regier said...

There must be 50 ways to leave your blogger.

Aaron Snell said...

New strategy: keep the comments on this post going to keep Frank engaged on the Internets.

Aaron Snell said...

Mark Driscoll!!

Watchbloggers!!

Ben Affleck as Batman!!

Rob said...

So will this blog become "Team Pyro: starring Dan Phillips!"? :)

Enjoy your break.

Aaron Snell said...

Or...Derek Webb!!

graceandgraphite said...

[Vader]NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!![/Vader]

...On a side note, that twitchy eyebrow is kinda creepy. But in a mesmerizing way. *keeps staring and waiting for it*

R.C. said...

Sorry Frank but you can't take a break. The Holy Spirit told me you have to carry on.

threegirldad said...

The average star rating on this post is way too high. For once (and only once), OSH has it right.

Larry Geiger said...

"Tom Chantry said... It has occurred to me that if DJP stops blogging, no one will be left who allows me to comment on any blog anywhere."

I'll make a blog then and post stuff and you can comment. Would love to have you comment. Only problem is, it would probably be just you and me (and maybe a couple of family members. Maybe.)

" R.C. said... Sorry Frank but you can't take a break. The Holy Spirit told me you have to carry on." Best comment on this blog for at least two weeks :-) Hey Dan, I think R.C. has actually been reading your posts.

Merrilee Stevenson said...

I was gonna comment on Wednesday and salute you for doing the right thing by going on parole. As a mother of 5 and a wife who sees less of her husband during the academic year, I can appreciate what your warden might be going through.


And then I remembered this important truth: Frank Turk is a menace that must be stopped. So go do your menacing elsewhere, Frank. We will have to be content to be kicked around by reading old posts of yours for now. And we hope when your menacing has been stopped elsewhere, you'll come back and give us some more swift kicks and exhortations.

Rachael Starke said...

I'm late to the Farewell For Now party, but wanted to say that your voluntary hiatus in no way invalidates my open invitation to our home in the Bay Area (should any of your non Like Ministry endeavors take you there). I will serve the best grass-fed beef and organically grown vegetables money can buy, along with the best wine (which you being a Bapdiss will decline, leaving more for my Phil and me). Then for dessert, I serve up print outs of some of your most, ahem, spicy contributions to the Interweb, so you and my Phil can then discuss. Oh, and pie. There should be pie. Add in a Skype session with Dan and it'll almost be like an ordinary Pyro day, just minus your friend OSH.