It's all inside baseball, but you guys are fans. You'll get it immediately, and if not I blame myself for being on Hiatus so long.
Still on Hiatus. Sorry.
I forgive them.
While I have learned much from their good tidings and secret chidings, and I'm not afraid to say so, there are seven lessons that ain't nobody needed to teach me which I think are critical for you to learn if you're going to continue to be someone who wears my t-shirts and endorses my books. They are all center-bound around an idea which Eugene Peterson once had: "Wonder can't be packaged."
1. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS
Listen: when God has called you to something, obviously He's the one in charge of your success. So just do whatever occurs to you, and then you can be sure that He will at least send you visions of sex and violence when there's nothing else to be said. Also: there's nobody like you, babe.
2. YOU DON'T HAVE TO MOVE IF YOU SYNDICATE
Seriously now - there comes a time when there's nobody left to reach after you have thrown all the gospel-reduced nay-sayers out for everything from disagreeing with your language to making sound points about Biblical ethics which would force lesser men to quit or at least take a sabbatical to reorganize their lives. If you syndicate, and only see people video video screen (meaning: they only see you once a week, and you never have to see them), that's a plush gig.
3. TEACH YOUR INSTINCTS
It's a well-known fact that nothing works like a Ponzi scheme except a Ponzi scheme -- and the only way to really multiply fruitfulness is to let other people in for a taste. Again, when God has verbally told you that you're his guy, who can lay a finger on God's anointed?
4. POPULARITY IS STILL A COMMODITY AFTER HIGH SCHOOL
The trick of course is to turn popularity into something that other people think they are getting by being close to you. Especially the guys who always have been and always will be the bookish kind who hang out in the library. If they think that they can be as popular as you are by hanging out with you? That can be monetized. You might even get to be a best-selling author with their help.
5. IF YOU CAN GET PEOPLE TO BLURB YOU, WRITE
That's just common sense after #4 - no sense hanging out with the Library squad if they are not pulling their weight. Your face and rep might be enough to move product, but nothing says "ECPA award" like the endorsements of old guys who think they can finally reach the young people.
6. RETIREMENT IS FOR LOSERS
"Retirement" ought to be a code-word for "collecting the royalties." That is, at some point, you are the brand, and all you have to do is show up to collect the paycheck. And why wouldn't you do that? Do I have to remind you that God called you verbally?
7. ENJOY THE RIDE
It's a good gig if you can get it. There's no sense in worrying yourself to death over stupid things like homeschool moms and seminary presidents. I'm personally going to keep the top down, crank the music loud, and blame my wife when I'm not happy in our marriage. I have nothing to do all day but smile and wave.