24 July 2012

Forward, Pyromaniacally

by Dan Phillips (improved by Frank Turk)

Howdy, gang.

Since Phil's retirement from regular blogging here, Frank and I have continued as we said we would, and we've been fomenting plans for the future. Now we'll share some with you.

Spurgeon. Our weekly Dose of Spurgeon has been a beloved feature. Phil had some stored up, and we've been drawing from them. But what to do when they run out?

As a suggestion leapt to my mind, Frank readily agreed, and we extended an invitation to Kerry J. Allen to take over the role of posting excerpts from the Prince of Preachers each week. Kerry is pastor of Fox River Baptist Church in Aurora, Illinois. Also, Kerry is an author several times over, most notably working to assemble sermons and sayings from Spurgeon.

Though Frank and I love Spurgeon, we don't have a fraction of the grasp of his preaching and material that Kerry does. Kerry's addition as Spurgeon Editor to Team Pyro will be a great benefit to all of us.

Otherwise. We are not rushing to add an additional member to the team, as indeed there is no rush. This presents an opportunity for you, personally.

A lot of people think this looks easy (like watching Clapton casually toss off a riff), and some of them have thought once or twice, "If I was a PyroManiac ... oh man, I would surely have done it better than that."  If you are one of those people, it's time to screw your courage to the sticking place.

You need to have 600-1200 words on a subject which the normal readership of PyroManiacs will find interesting or compelling.  In spite of Frank's bad example, it must require no proofreading or revisions or editorial guidance.  It needs to have a beginning, middle and end, and it cannot run more than one part -- you're asking for one chance to make one point, not for a recurring part in our epic continuity.

We are making Monday "Guest Pyro for a Day" day, and it will begin when we have enough suitable posts to queue them up and let them run without interruption.

General guidelines:
  1. We prefer that you know who we are — that is, you have read this blog and understand the tone and temperament of its authors and readers.  You do not have to be a carbon copy of us, but you must complement our style and approach in the same way chicken wings complement pizza, or bacon complements... well, everything.  If you haven't been a regular Pyro reader for some time, you really should do some catching up before trying to jump on the merry-go-round.
  2. If we know you, that's a plus. (If it's a plus that we know you, that is.)
  3. Even if we do know you, submit your singing prose to us (no poems, proems, poema, songs, videos, liturgical dance or other practical jokes) with:
    • Your real name
    • Your real e-mail address
    • Your local church (aha!  Gotcha!)
    • Your picture and/or brief bio
    • Your link to your online presence (if applicable)
  4. Send your submission to: GuestPyro, then @iturk, then .com.  We prefer it in MS WORD (.doc or .docx) format, but a simple .txt file as an attachment will also work.
  5. As a British pastor wisely directed a prayer meeting I attended, "Speak up, be concise, be to the point." So once again, posts should range around 600-1200 words.  In English.
  6. You need a thick skin.  Your submission (if accepted) will be read by literally thousands of people, and a lot of them will disagree with you.  We've learned to live with it and still be happy, most of the time. Can you?
  7. You need to be sure you will not lose your job because you blogged once on a high-traffic venue. That sounds like hyperbole, but consider it.  Dan and Frank will not have a job to offer you if your first outing gets you fired.
  8. We happily expect a lot of submissions. Dan's feedback here is, "We will try to respond, but do not expect a response."  Frank's feedback is, "I already have a full-time job, and the purpose of this feature is to make less work for us, not more.  Do not expect a response." If you do not receive a response, please do not email us requesting a response. If you email us requesting a response, do not expect a response to your request for a response. Seeing a pattern here? It's nothing personal — it's utterly pragmatic. Neither of us is paid to blog, both of us have families and very full plates, and that's just the way it is.
There you go. Sound like fun? Could be. Has been for us!

Dan Phillips's signature

32 comments:

The Squirrel said...

Is Dispensationalism and eschatology still off the table? ;-)

Squirrel

DJP said...

I would have thought that would have been covered under point 1. Why do you ask?

Lynda O said...

Lol, yes that's a good question, Squirrel. :) So many interesting possibilities...

Nash Equilibrium said...

What about eschodispencessationpredestinonlyism? Is that fair game?

Frank Turk said...

We are also working on a better name for this feature. #justSayin'

Doug Hibbard said...

El Squirrel,

I would assume so, but recipes for arboreal rodent might be allowable.

Doug

Kerry James Allen said...

"Luther once said, 'The devil hates goose quills,' and doubtless he has good reason, for ready writers, by the Holy Spirit's blessing, have done his kingdom much damage." CHS May this new launch of Pyro bring edification to God's saints, instruction and conviction to the lost, and glory to our God through Christ Jesus. Psalm 115:1

Mr. Fosi said...

I have suddenly realized that I have virtually nothing to offer. :^(

The Squirrel said...

"Will Squirrels Be 'On The Menu' During the Millinium? Two Views" a Pyro guest post by Doug & Squirrel...

Honestly, I take great comfort in the fact that squirrels are not kosher...

Squirrel

Nash Equilibrium said...

Don't worry Mr. F., most of us don't! You are in good company. Well, I don't know how good it is, but it's company.

Kerry James Allen said...

If you have seen "Equilibrium" (Christian Bale, quite good) I sometimes wonder if gNash Equilibrium is off his meds. :-}

The Squirrel said...

... of course, cheeseburgers aren't kosher either, and I think Jimmy Buffett has convinced most of us that we will have cheeseburgers in paradise...

Squirrel

Frank Turk said...

Fosi:

Don't worry. You always commented, "Nice post."

Mr. Fosi said...

LOL!

Nice post, Frank.

Nash Equilibrium said...

No, I'm still on 'em. When I'm off 'em I'm Gnash Disequilibrium!

Bill said...

I thought Chantry was the DH...this must be the NL

Robert Warren said...

"...do not expect a response to your request for a response."

I once joked to my wife that ladies probably expect a thank-you-note after sending a thank-you-note. Believe it or not, I actually witnessed her recently sending someone a thank-you-note after receiving a thank-you-note!

This process is going to be interesting. Thank you for providing someone the opportunity.

Sir Aaron said...

I'm excited that Kerry James Allen is doing the Spurgeon posts. Don't take this the wrong way because I love Phil as much as the next man, but I believe KJA will improve the weekly Spurgeon posts.

Halcyon said...

A chance to write on Pyro? Alongside Frank and Dan? To have one's precious thoughts (private for so long) made public to an audience eager to hear from one's sagacious lips? To be counted amongst the elite circle of PoMo verbal assassins? To stand on the massive-manly shoulders of giants and squeal your meager clamorings to the harrowing world that is the blogosphere?

Is this a trap?

DJP said...

That much bacon, how can it be a trap?

Doug Hibbard said...

Squirrel will most likely be on the menu at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Along with possum, venison, and fried gator :)

After all, is the Lord not a *Southern* Baptist?

(No, I know He's not. It's a joke...)

Kerry James Allen said...

"And there shall in no wise enter into it anything that defileth..." Revelation 21:27

Jason Engwer said...

Thanks for keeping the Spurgeon posts. The addition of Kerry Allen is a good idea.

thepaperthinhymn said...

I'm on it. This is way cool.

Morris Brooks said...

Sounds enticing, but I am afraid I would hit the wall at about 499 words. Maybe there could be some bonus words.

thepaperthinhymn said...

there are bonus words. You can use "dystopia" and "snugly", but only in the same sentence

Frank Turk said...

I'm not bovvered.

Tom said...

"7.You need to be sure you will not lose your job because you blogged once on a high-traffic venue. That sounds like hyperbole, but consider it. Dan and Frank will not have a job to offer you if your first outing gets you fired."

Thus, I remain no profile Tom.

Merrilee Stevenson said...

Praise the Lord for job security and the freedom to speak frankly! They're not just a privilege, but a responsibility.

This could prove to make for very lively Monday mornings. Here are some name suggestions for the feature:

"Gasoline"

"Hammer and Flint"

"Flickerings"

And one DJP might appreciate: "Firebrands, Arrows, and Death! Oh my!"

Morris Brooks said...

Well, that's why I wouldn't apply for the new Pyro blogger position; it would take me out of my warm and snugly confines, and take me straight way into a state of dystopia. Where I would likely remain for the rest of my earthly existence.

southerngospelyankee said...

"7.You need to be sure you will not lose your job because you blogged once on a high-traffic venue. That sounds like hyperbole, but consider it. Dan and Frank will not have a job to offer you if your first outing gets you fired."

Thus, I remain the elusive and anonymous "yankeegospelgirl." My future career will thank me. Especially since it will probably be academic.

Gilbert said...

Many a moon ago, I thought it would be great to write for the Pyros. Heck, Phil even wrote a blogpost on something I wrote! As for thick skin: a weather forecaster? Anytime we're referred to in the vein of a nasty word, we take it as a complement. So, I thought...should I give this a whirl? Then I realized...

A) Frank Turk disagreed with me on something once.
B) I'm not as good as a writer as any of the Pyros.
C) I don't have the time.
D) I don't have the desire.
E) I don't have as much wisdom as the Pyros do.

Obviously, "A" is the deal-killer.
But seriously, for those who are thinking and praying about it...it almost amounts to a calling of scorn and ridicule, if you stand up for God's Word. Be prepared.