It started Monday morning when I checked in through Facebook, and received a witty reply:
That put an idea in my mind, and the rest, as they say... well, you know what they say. For you who don't do Twitter or were doing something else (like ministry), here's highlights — and, like SHST, I'll be adding updates probably until about noon Texas time:
Thinking of making my own coffee. Call it "Calvin Coffee." Motto: "You can't help but love it"
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 18, 2015
I guess the motto for Arminius Coffee would be "I know you're gonna love it...but really, that's up to you; I roasted it the best I could"
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 18, 2015
@BibChr this cup might be good to the last drop, but no guarantees.
— E. Stevenson (@magisterstevens) May 18, 2015
Arminius Coffee: "If you're lucky enough to get a cup, hang on to it for dear life!"
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 18, 2015
Arminius Coffee: partially roasted, for you to perfect! (H-T to Facebook friend Brenda McAlpine)
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 18, 2015
.@BibChr Orthodox Presby Coffee: Why do you drink/serve coffee?? Charles Finney drank coffee!! Are you like Charles Finney?!
— Garrett O'Hara (@Dallascernment) May 18, 2015
Arminius Coffee: Strong enough to raise the dead — er, if they want to be raised, that is!
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 18, 2015
@BibChr "Arminius Coffee - It's Not That Bad!"
— Greg Pickle (@gregpickle) May 18, 2015
Covenant Coffee: made from the finest tea leaves. #SeeWhatIDidThere
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 18, 2015
Actually, this does it better:
Covenant Coffee. It's really tea. God rejected coffee so now when He says "Coffee" He really means "Tea." #TheologicalCoffee
— Chad Buhman (@chadbuhman) May 20, 2015
@BibChr Dispensational Coffee: It's off the chart!
— David Regier (@davidpaulregier) May 18, 2015
Pretribulational Coffee: You can have one at any moment!
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 18, 2015
@BibChr Preterist Coffee: It's already finished
— Ш☤ʟʟ $αη∂εяṧ (@Will_C_Sanders) May 18, 2015
@BibChr A-mill coffee; safe for children because it's not really coffee. ;)
— David Pitman (@PastorPitman) May 18, 2015
@BibChr Post-mil coffee: slowly brewed, eventually filling the whole earth; Jesus returns, looks & says, "thx 4 the brew" & dumps it out.
— Jason M. Woelm (@JasonMWoelm) May 19, 2015
Poythressian Charismatic Coffee: It may not look like coffee, or taste like coffee, but it's analogous to coffee and makes us feel good, so—
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 18, 2015
@Bib_Chr Al Mohler Coffee: Comes with a Lecture on Why Coffee's Never Any Good Any More
— Tom Chantry (@tjchantry) May 18, 2015
LOL. And how we'd better darned well DO something about it, AND QUICK!!!!1! https://t.co/BhuzAg1lkb
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 18, 2015
@BibChr TGC Coffee: We're sorry, but you're blocked from drinking this blend.
— Tom Chantry (@tjchantry) May 18, 2015
Or: We want EVERYONE to drink it! Well... except you. And you. And (looks at list)... definitely not you, either https://t.co/2o9dR89B8N
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 18, 2015
@PastorPitman @tjchantry @BibChr but they'd say it was shade-grown, bird-friendly, organic, fair trade, and sustainable. For the city.
— cw l'unificateur (@ChortlesWeakly) May 19, 2015
@BibChr @tjchantry Tom Chantry Coffee. You better make a double portion Saturday because you can't brew it on Sunday. Yeah, I went there.
— Michael A. Coughlin (@ABereanOne) May 18, 2015
@bibchr Calvinist Coffee: it doesn't wake you up, it gives you life.
— James Kime (@Primekime17) May 19, 2015
@BibChr Mefferd Coffee: Give it a try, even though Justin Taylor ordered you not to.
— Tom Chantry (@tjchantry) May 19, 2015
@BibChr Lutheran Coffee: Just Kidding; It's Beer
— Tom Chantry (@tjchantry) May 18, 2015
@BibChr Carl Trueman Coffee: It's just a cup of coffee; get over yourself already!
— Tom Chantry (@tjchantry) May 19, 2015
@BibChr Caner Coffee: Harvested by Ergun himself with a genuine Islamic scimitar on the slopes of Southern Turkey.
— Tom Chantry (@tjchantry) May 19, 2015
@tjchantry @BibChr Baptist coffee: perfect for full doughnut submersion.
— E. Stevenson (@magisterstevens) May 19, 2015
Federal Vision Coffee: No one knows what’s in it, but we’re all sure it’s no good for you. @BibChr
— Jon Swerens (@jonswerens) May 18, 2015
@BibChr Pharisaical Coffee: Only the outside of the cup is clean
— Ш☤ʟʟ $αη∂εяṧ (@Will_C_Sanders) May 18, 2015
@BibChr @Will_C_Sanders ooh, Bible Coffee. Totally sufficient. You need no other blend.
— Michael A. Coughlin (@ABereanOne) May 18, 2015
@BibChr Luther Latte- I can drink no other
— Bob Dalberg (@BobDalberg) May 18, 2015
Van Til Coffee: if you don't drink it first, you can't do anything else.
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 19, 2015
@BibChr Zane Hodges Coffee - Just make it. It doesn't matter if you drink it or not.
— Terry Rayburn (@Grace_For_Life) May 19, 2015
@BibChr Expository Coffee - the whole pot, one cup at a time.
— Terry Rayburn (@Grace_For_Life) May 19, 2015
Michael Brown Coffee: Too busy to test it, but it should be fine. Drink up. #TheologicalCoffee
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 19, 2015
(To be clear: this Michael Brown, not the Ferguson Michael Brown)
@BibChr NT Wright coffee: your opinion of it is invalid until you've drunk 20,000 gallons. If you don't like it, it's somehow your fault.
— Machel (@trogdor42) May 19, 2015
Five-Point Coffee: It's not for everybody
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 19, 2015
@BibChr Theonomist Coffee: always out of context
— Ш☤ʟʟ $αη∂εяṧ (@Will_C_Sanders) May 19, 2015
Sye Ten Bruggencate Coffee: It's good, and you know it.
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 19, 2015
...and finally...
@BibChr Pyro Coffee: It's really good but no one believes it until years later because they don't like its tone.
— Tim Bates (@TimmmmBates) May 19, 2015
UPDATES
Ergun Caner coffee: House Blend that tells everyone it's Sumatra #TheologicalCoffee
— Nατε Picκοwicz (@NatePickowicz) May 20, 2015
Triperspectival Coffee: heat is the control, flavor is the authority, and the cup is the presence #TheologicalCoffee
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 22, 2015
Interlinear Coffee. It is French and Italian at the same time! #TheologicalCoffee
— Chad Buhman (@chadbuhman) May 20, 2015
Todd Bentley coffee: it has a little kick #TheologicalCoffee
— Nατε Picκοwicz (@NatePickowicz) May 20, 2015
Emergent coffee: Is it even really coffee? Who knows? What is coffee truly anyway? Maybe coffee is a social construct? #TheologicalCoffee
— Gabe Rosenau (@Biblicus) May 20, 2015
Bethel Redding Coffee: Lean against store to soak caffeine anointing. #TheologicalCoffee
— Josh Butler ن (@Josh__Butler) May 19, 2015
Manhattan Declaration/ECT Coffee: This never came from a coffee bean, but it's brown, so we figure — close enough! #TheologicalCoffee
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 19, 2015
@ABereanOne TP Coffee: best beans, carefully roasted, ground at brewing, strong flavor. Everyone says they hate it.
— ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (@Frank_Turk) May 22, 2015
@ABereanOne it gets bad reviews from people who only drink That Great Coffee (an instant brand), and from people who don't drink coffee.
— ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (@Frank_Turk) May 22, 2015
Pelagian Coffee: decaf. you're responsible for waking YOURSELF up in the morning. #TheologicalCoffee (loving this hashtag, @BibChr!)
— Curtis Quick (@TigerBotEdge) May 22, 2015
Elephant Room Two coffee — it's brown, it's steaming, it has an odor... what do you mean it's not coffee?!!
#TheologicalCoffee
— Dan Phillips (@BibChr) May 22, 2015
J. Gresham Machen coffee: Folgers is not coffee, but a different liquid entirely. #TheologicalCoffee
— Scott Welch (@scott_welch_) May 22, 2015
20 comments:
I had missed a few of those; thanks!
That is awesome...
Emergent coffee - If you say it's coffee, then who am I to disagree?
"This is silly"
Of the many great entries, my far-and-away favorite: "Sye Ten Bruggencate Coffee: It's good, and you know it." Still chuckling and would like to add, "Stop suppressing your love of it in unrighteousness."
I'm not on Twitter, but here's a few suggestions:
Emergent Coffee--great blend to sit and have a dialogue over.
-and-
Pyro Coffee--puts hair on your chest!
-and-
Athanasian Arabica Blend--stubbornly great!
-and-
Ezekiel's Famous Roasted Blend--you wouldn't like our roasting method...
Limited Atonement coffee: it truly was finished brewing before you woke up.
Limited Atonement coffee #2: it's brewed only for coffee drinkers
Mega-church Worship Leader - "If you like this coffee, I brewed it myself, you can buy it in the lobby"
This was such fun to read in its entirety. Thanks for the glimpses you gave us on Facebook, and thank you even more for giving us the whole thing here.
Got a couple more:
Leaky Cannon coffee: God TOLD me this was good coffee!!!
(Triple exclamation points intentional)
Shane Claiborne coffee: You should feel guilty for being wealthy enough to drink coffee. Repent of your capitalistic ways and give your coffee, hairbrush, and personal hygiene products away to those who need it more than you do.
Replacement Coffee: Tea hasn't replaced coffee. It's just that coffee drinking has it's complete fullfillment by drinking tea.
Hypercalvinist coffee (or, as said in the retro post, hypercaffinated Calvinist coffee): it gets brewed whether you do it or not.
Calvinist coffee...it's an acquired taste.
Calvinist coffee :it's an acquired taste.
Roman Catholic coffee: The One True Coffee, because our roastmasters can trace their lineage in unbroken succession all the way back to Peter. And also: Tradition!!!
Lutheran coffee: 95 reasons Catholic coffee is wrong.
EPIC!!!!
These were fantastic. Another:
Molinist Coffee: There is a world in which you'd like it.
Arminian Coffee: Servetus!
Modern Baptist Coffee: Light and bubbly, but with just enough beans to still call it coffee.
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