Why God gave you parents, etc.

by Dan Phillips

(This reflection was sparked by musing on Proverbs 24:19-20.)

Let's say you are about to embark on a journey you've never taken before. Let's say it is a high-risk journey. How do you prepare?

Well, you get a good map, and you study it. You get a ruler, maybe. You are here, and you want to get there. So you measure out which is the shorter course between these two points. You think you've found your route. It is short, you feel that you've considered every alternative, and this looks like the best way to get there.

Are you ready?

What if you know people who've already gone the route you're considering? What if they've already gone from Point A to Point B? Would it be smart to ask them? And, having asked, to listen? Of course it would — unless they're stupid, treacherous, or mean you harm.

So say you ask them, and they say, "Oh boy, do not go that way. It looks great when it's a line on paper, but you have no idea. It is a one-way road, for one thing. It is narrow, and winding. The road is full of pot-holes and sheer drop-offs you can't see until you've already gone over them. There is no need to go that way. We can show you three other ways, but for mercy's sake, do not go that way!"

Do you shrug it off, say "Thanks," and go with your paper-knowledge?

You do... if you're a fool. Consider Proverbs 22:3—"The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it."

One level of application is, I think, plain. But what if you're not "prudent" (`arúm) in the sense of shrewd, experienced, savvy? Perhaps it is because you are "simple." This is the word petî, so often found in Proverbs, generally translated simple or naive. This is the young man who simply has not had the years and experience to build a frame of reference by means of convictions tested by time and trial. He isn't yet settled hither or thither; he isn't yet wise, nor a scoffer.

What does such a young woman or man need? He needs wise folks who have had and used that time, who have built that framework and tested it out.

Now, Proverbs itself supplies that need. Solomon states at the outset that he was intending the book "to give prudence to the simple" (Proverbs 1:4, using the same two roots noted above). So the study of Proverbs itself, as well as of the rest of the Bible, is essential in the building of a prudent framework.


But what does Proverbs itself say, as well? Over and over it says "Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching" (Proverbs 1:8), "My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching" (Proverbs 6:20), "Listen to your father" and "do not despise your mother" (Proverbs 23:22) , "My son, give me your heart" (Proverbs 23:26), and so on.

Why does it do this? For one reason, because Solomon took seriously God's own counsel to give great weight to father and mother (cf. 4:3f.). There is a rich, broad, and deep Biblical teaching on this subject: please read A word to Christian yoots.

Another reason is the nature of youth. Young people by definition are full of confidence and vigor. They want to conquer the world. They think they can. They see themselves (often) as so much smarter than those old, dull-witted folks who keep trying to talk to them. They've got it all worked out. So they don't think they need to listen to their parents, etc.

But they do. So Solomon tells them. And tells them, and tells them.

But also, there is need to listen to those with experience that you don't have. This is part of why Proverbs repeatedly admonishes "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice" (Proverbs 12:15), "By insolence comes nothing but strife, but with those who take advice is wisdom" (Proverbs 13:10), "Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed" (Proverbs 15:22); " Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future" (Proverbs 19:20).

Nor is that in particular peculiar to the young. When I embarked on Career Plan B (temporary, I pray), I became what is derisively and deservedly called a "paper MCSE." That means that I did a bunch of studying, took some nasty tests, and got various computer certifications — but virtually the only experience I had was that of studying for the tests!

And so in my first positions, I leaned crushingly heavily on some extraordinarily patient people who, unlike me, had experience. If I had refused to do that, I would have been a forty-plus-year-old fool.

But is Solomon counseling us to be slaves to every latest bit of advice we get? Is he binding us to slavish obedience to foolish, evil, malicious parents? Of course not.

His God-breathed counsel grows out of the whole Canon, and out of the book's particular recurring theme: consider the end. Again and again Solomon says, "I know this path looks great at its outset: but let me tell you where it leads...."

Now, in some cases, one does not need experience to tell this. Are you tempted to adultery? You don't need to ask someone who has committed adultery whether or not this is a smart move. God says, in so many words, "Bridge out!" That's all the "experience" we need.

But what of life's huge, major decisions where there is no Divine dictum, no "Thou shalt/shalt not"?

Those are the ones where we most need the framework of Divine revelation, and some advice or counsel from wise, godly, experienced folks.

And that's why God gave you a Mommy and a Daddy.

But the title says "etc.," and that is because that is also why He gave you pastors, and great writers of ages past, and godly friends.


Now, to anticipate a certain question: "What if my ____ is foolish, ungodly, unbelieving, or means me harm?"

That will complicate it greatly. You still may glean something. If they're your parents, you still must respect their position, and honor them in every way you can.

But if your parents/friends/advisors are not foolish, ungodly, or malicious, you're a fool if you don't seriously consider their counsel.

The only cure for naïveté is a frame of reference by means of convictions tested by time and trial. Young man, young woman, you don't have it yet.

That's why God gave you parents — et cetera!

(And sometimes we old guys at Pyro get to try to be your "et cetera"!)

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