Now, I can't imagine one Biblical Christian married man answering that with a "No!" Particularly the men I've known whose wives are critical, undermining, emasculating, faultfinding, and/or shaming (Proverbs 12:4; 14:1). They'd all choke up and say "Are you nuts? I'd think I'd died and gone to Heaven!"
Well, really, though? Are you sure? Have you thought this one all the way through?
Equally, when a husband refuses to love his wife like Christ loves the church and care for her spiritual and physical wellbeing as in Ephesians 5:25f. and the like, he's sinning, he needs to repent, and nobody should enable or give cover to his rebellion against God.
His sin doesn't make her sin OK; and her sin doesn't make his sin OK. These are marriage-related truths that are too seldom said, heard, and practiced. (See also HERE.)
HSAT: let's suppose your wife isn't a model of submission. Let's suppose she hasn't put together that her marital vows meant that she was giving up to God the "right" to fight you — ever — to tear you down and disrespect and emasculate you. Let's suppose she hasn't accepted in faith that God calls her to support and strengthen and help you, win you over so that you unhesitatingly trust her from the heart (Proverbs 31:11).
You feel sorry for yourself. Don't lie; you do. You tell God so, too. You walk a difficult path. Your kids, who hear your wife tear you down, don't know how hard it is. You don't hear anything (exactly) about your situation in sermons or books. Insofar as any books come close to it, they just tell you it's all your fault anyway, and if you'd just give your wife her way even more, learn from her and become more... more... well, more feminine, everything'd be great.
Or they (again) say it's all your fault, and if you were just the godly man you should be — as they presumably are — and just lead (like "On three! One... two...."), your wife would just snap into place like a Lego piece. If she isn't where she should be, it's all your fault. By some magic unhinted-at in the Bible, you control her behavior, and wives are exceptions to the principle of Ezekiel 18:1-4.
Somehow, you feel there's got to be a better way.
But then a genuine miracle happens — not the kind that involves gold dust, white teeth, or gibbering and barking, but the kind that makes angels sing and brings glory to God. The Spirit of God opens your wife's eyes, she sees what the Word has been saying all along, she repents of her sin, and she begins chasing after God's revealed will with all her might.
Suddenly, you have on your hands a loving, happy, positive, respectful and supportive wife.
Are you ready for that? Really?
Think of what has changed now:
- It's all really-really on you now. To open that up a bit...
- Any pretense you ever felt you had for defaulting or abdicating is all gone now. To open that up a bit...
- You may genuinely have accepted your role in your marital problems, but inwardly you always had "but after all what can I do, married to a woman like this?" That's all gone now. All eyes turn to you. You don't even have the appearance of the excuse you thought you had. It's all you. What are you going to do?
- You'd better deliver. Are you ready to deliver? Are you like a minority-party politician, sniping at the party in power, going on and on about what better ideas you have and what a better job you'd do — and, now once you find yourself in power, it's a whole different ballpark, and you see that the market-value for talk remains a goose-egg?
- And if it all ends up in the ditch, you will have driven it there. Are you ready for that rap? Are you ready to be a man and shoulder the blame? Are you ready not to have any excuses, any buck-passing, any notes-from-Mom excusing you from manning-up and taking it squarely?
- What's more, you are now the buffer, the shield, for that woman. Maybe for months, years or decades she kept defying God's purposes, refusing to subordinate herself to you, and caught all sorts of grief for it from God's world. But now she's positioned with you as her head, her shield, her protection. You don't hide behind her as an excuse or as a person. She hides behind you, and rightly so. Are you man enough for that? Are you ready to be her hero, her knight, her champion, her protector? Did your heart stir as mine did at the story of the men at the Tucson shooting who threw themselves between the murderer's bullets and their wives? Men like seventy-six year old Dorwan Stoddard, who pulled his wife down and died shielding her with his body? Those were men being men, I tell you. Are you ready for that role?
- The wellbeing of that precious, vulnerable, trusting woman is right smack on your shoulders, under God. She said "No" to every other man in the world — many of whom, just 'twixt us two, are vastly superior to you and me in every way — and said "Yes" to you. Are you at least a half-decent guy? Do you take that role, that place, seriously? Will you rise to it, now that the shackles and hobbles are off? Well, sport, what are you going to do about it now? Bat's in your hands, your shoes are on the plate, the pitcher's winding up, here comes the ball. What are you going to do, Bub? It's all you. What are you going to do?
* In all this, I assume the usual: "submission"/"subordination" is limited by the word of God. No man or woman has a right to order another either to do something God forbids, or not to do something God commands.